The Anatomy of a Great School Day

From morning alarms and drop-offs to healthy lunches and bedtime routines, weekdays are so much more than just getting the kids to school. Parents, students and teachers share what makes their days feel successful and experts reveal tips to calm the chaos.

What’s the best way to get up each day? Prepared. Each school day actually starts the night before. And while that may sound like a lot of work, it makes mornings so much easier.

“I always try and do as much as I can ahead of time: coffee is prepped, lunch containers are ready for assembly, clothes are picked out. It makes it easier for my son to breeze through our routine,” says Jenn Cox, a Montreal mom of an 11-year-old. Another must? “Routine and consistency every morning so my son knows what to expect and can be independent,” she adds.

Whether you’re part of the 5 AM Club or you just set your alarm for a bit earlier than your kids get up, it’s a great idea to set aside a bit of time for yourself before everyone’s day begins.

According to Renée Zavislak, M.S., M.A., a licensed marriage and family therapist in Sonoma County, California, the best thing any parent can do to help their child is to get their own nervous system regulated. “Meditation and breathwork are game changers in this area. Once a parent learns how to regulate their own nervous system, everything changes.”

Waking your kids up

If your kid doesn’t wake up on their own, what’s the best way to wake them up? Gently says Brittany Steindl, a doctor of Physical Therapy and the owner and founder of BLS Physical Therapy in Bergen, New Jersey.

Zavislak agrees. “Rather than waiting until the last minute to let them sleep, start the process with plenty of time so that you can approach the morning without urgency.”

Kathryn Ross, a teacher and mom of a two-year-old and five-year-old in Toronto, says “I discovered that one of my kids cannot stand being woken up abruptly (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree). Recognizing this, but also still needing to get to work on time, we got a sunrise lamp and set it to be ‘full sun’ by wake-up time. It's been a game-changer.”

Breakfast

Want happy, energized kids all day long? According to Toronto-based, registered dietician and pediatric and family nutritionist Nishta Saxena, the nutrients that make a great breakfast are protein and fibre. “Protein helps to keep you energized throughout the day,” she says. And fibre keeps you feeling full while helping to regulate blood sugar, meaning no energy crashes.

While busy mornings often call for quick and easy breakfast foods like cereal, Saxena recommends thinking beyond traditional ideas. “Use leftover meat or chicken, tofu or tempeh in your breakfast,” she says. “Or get your protein from Greek yogurt and eggs. And add fibre with whole fruits and vegetables, whole grains and nuts and seeds (which have both protein and fibre).

Getting your kids to school

Once your kids are awake and fed, things should be easy but that’s often not the case. “I find the school routine incredibly stressful, says Cindy Marie Jenkins, a writer, editor and educator from Orlando, Florida. “If we leave at 8 a.m., I work backward and know which milestones we have to hit at which time to make it out the door on time. Of course, it never works out like that,” she says.

Ross agrees that mornings can be unpredictable. “My kids are at that age and stage where sometimes they wake up and the world is amazing, and sometimes they wake up and they are just mad about everything.”

Zavislak’s advice? Don’t worry so much about being late. “When getting to school on time becomes more important than household harmony in the morning, something is very wrong,” she says. “Take a step back and breathe. Parents who can stay regulated during these chaotic spells will be infinitely more successful at mastering them. And if that means you are late a few times, that’s okay.”

Once your kids go through those doors, it can be both a relief and a concern. But rest assured that most teachers have your children’s best interests at heart. “My goal each day is to have my students walk away from working with me knowing that I am on their team,” says Ross, who is also a learning specialist and resource teacher in Toronto.

If wondering how your child behaves at school keeps you up at night, Gear, a former teacher and literacy consultant in Vancouver, says “I think most kids act differently at school than at home. When my boys were in elementary school and later in high school, it felt like they saved all their bad behaviour for me. But I think parents can feel some relief knowing that kids may try out different behaviours in places where they feel safe.”

And of course, some kids’ behaviour won’t meet their teacher’s expectations or match the school rules. In these cases, says Ross, “The most important thing for me as a teacher is that parents understand we are a team and we can work together for the better of the child. It's really tough when a parent isn't on board or willing to recognize that a challenge exists.”

Setting your kids up for success

What do teachers wish parents knew about school? “There are only so many hours in the school day and with 20-30 students in a class, individual attention is limited,” says Nicole Brown, a teacher-librarian in Brampton, Ontario. “Parental involvement, support, and encouragement are everything and will enhance your child’s learning experience. We appreciate when parents are engaged, communicate and reinforce learning at home,” she says.

What can parents do at home? Again routines are key. “Consistent routines at school often make for a successful school day and consistent routines at home can make for a successful day overall,” says Brown. Gear adds that giving kids responsibilities also helps. “Let them help make their lunches and pack their school bags.”

Also, try to read all of the communication from your child’s school and teacher so that your child is prepared for the day, says Brown.

Lunch

“Healthy foods are so important for kids at school. Sugar spikes and slumps really impact a child’s ability to pay attention and focus,” says Gear, so try to pack balanced lunches. While you can’t guarantee that they’ll eat everything, it’s important to pack a small variety of nutritious foods.

“Include an item from each food group,” says registered dietitian Saxena. “So a vegetable and fruit, some type of a whole grain or grain-based product and a protein,” she says, adding that the midday meal should be sizable with most of the calories coming from the protein and carbohydrates.

And while protein can sometimes be tricky at lunch for kids who don’t like hot meals or leftovers, Saxena says cheese and hummus are great additions that will keep your kid fuelled all afternoon.

She also recommends ensuring that lunch is made up of handheld or finger foods or is at least easy to eat.

What do you do if your kid comes home with a full lunch box? Saxena says not to worry. “School can be a sensory overload experience for a lot of children. It can be loud and chaotic in the lunch room and they don’t have much time to eat or they want to squeeze out as much playtime as they can, which is also very beneficial,” she says.

“The amount of calories children consume often fluctuates and they will make up those extra calories elsewhere,” Saxena says. But if it doesn’t seem like your child is eating enough to make up for lost lunches, book an appointment with a pediatric dietitian or your child’s doctor.

We all know the drill. Kids come home from school, everything seems fine and then suddenly, they’re having a tantrum or arguing with everything you say. After-School Restraint Collapse is real. Zavislak says that this release of feelings after having to hold in emotions all day shouldn’t exist. “It is a symptom of the many things that are wrong with how we educate our kids,” she says.

But if switching your kid to an alternative school “where kids are allowed to apply and discharge energy in age-appropriate ways” isn’t an option, Zavislak has advice:

• Teach kids mindfulness exercises that they can use at school to help regulate pent-up energy, such as Lion’s Breath breathing exercise and body scans.
• Institute morning family walks (if you can walk to school, that’s great).
• Develop an after-school ritual that allows for the safe discharge of this intense energy (walk, do jumping jacks, dance).

Another great way to avoid a meltdown? Food. Kids are usually hungry after a day of activity—especially if they skipped lunch. Instead of after-school snacks, Saxena recommends after-school meals. “I don’t believe in ruining dinner,” she says, adding that since kids are usually receptive to eating after school, it’s a great time for a balanced meal.

What should you feed them?  “If dinner is already prepared, I would offer a smaller portion of dinner,” says Saxena. If dinner isn’t ready, offer them a balanced meal, meaning something from each food group. This could be leftovers from yesterday or a nice spread of fruit, veggies, a source of protein like nut butter or meat, and a source of carbohydrates like whole grain bread.

Homework

Did you realize when you became a parent that you would dislike homework just as much as your kid does? Getting kids to sit down to finish a worksheet or write an essay can feel impossible but setting up a routine can help.

When kids know what to expect and when to expect it, any task is easier. But a routine won’t make every night run smoothly. Here are some quick tips to help your family tackle homework:

• Pump your kid up. Tell them that they’re doing a great job, just by getting started and then keep the compliments coming.
• Don’t let anger derail the process. They will get frustrated and try to give up. Give them breaks and offer suggestions, but stick with it. “No kid should be expected to sit for an hour to do homework, that's unrealistic,” says Ross.
• Don’t do it for them. “Sit with them and guide them, but let them make their own mistakes,” says Gear. “Too many parents think that it’s helpful to do the work for their children, but in the long run, it doesn’t help. Kids need to fail sometimes in order to learn. If parents never allow them to fail, then when they do eventually experience failure, they lack the skills and ability to overcome failure.”
• Let them bring unfinished homework to school. See above. It’s okay for kids to learn the consequences of not doing their homework.

Dinner

For some families getting everyone to sit at the table and actually eat can be just as painful as homework time. And while it’s probably not realistic to expect to have a sit-down meal seven nights a week, “The benefits of family meals are very well documented,” says Saxena. “They improve mental health for both parents and children.”

According to The Family Dinner Project, the benefits for kids include:

• Better academic performance
• Higher self-esteem
• Greater sense of resilience
• Lower risk of substance abuse
• Lower risk of teen pregnancy
• Lower risk of depression
• Lower likelihood of developing eating disorders
• Lower rates of obesity
• Better cardiovascular health in teens
• Bigger vocabulary in preschoolers
• Healthier eating patterns in young adults

But how do you get your kids to sit at a table to eat when all they want to do is run around, watch TV or play video games?

Have everyone in the family share the best and worst parts of their days, tell jokes and play games. Whatever keeps everyone engaged and connecting.

Saxena recommends looking to the work of dietitian Ellyn Satter, who is an internationally respected expert on feeding kids. Following her guidelines, parents are responsible for choosing mealtimes and what is served and kids get to decide what foods and how much goes into their bodies.

“We don't want to pressure, bribe or force children to eat,” says Saxena. She also suggests slowing down. “Rushing can increase mealtime anxiety and it makes digestion really hard because our systems aren’t ready to eat.”

Bedtime

Evenings can feel stressful. There's so little time for so many things. Plus, you want to get your kids to bed while finding a little time for yourself.

“The biggest problem I see with bedtime routines is the parents’ urgency. I get it, though,” says Zavislak.

She recommends that parents take a break before starting bedtime routines. “When faced with tricky bedtimes, every parent manages better if they take 15 minutes or more to ground themselves before they start.” She also suggests that parents who are struggling with bedtime battles do an exercise during the day to visualize how they want bedtime to go. “I encourage parents to mentally rehearse the regulated, calm approach they want to take. This makes the approach easier to access when feeling tired and impatient.”

But how do you make sure your child is sleepy and ready for bed? You guessed it: a good routine. Kids respond to sleepy stimuli the way Pavlov's dog responded to a bell ringing. When your child is used to going to sleep after a bath, stories and relaxing music, they will start to feel sleepy during that routine every night.

If you want to add in extra steps to help them wind down, Dr. Steindl recommends sensory activities that help kids' bodies prepare for sleep. “Deep pressure activities, such as using a weighted blanket, giving a gentle massage, or engaging in proprioceptive activities like bear hugs or pushing against a wall, can be very calming. These activities help to soothe the nervous system and make it easier for children to transition to a restful state,” she says.

A teacher's advice? Lauren Tingley, mom of two, elementary school teacher and Certified Discipline and Guidance Coach says to cut back on screen time. “I've had so many students come to school exhausted and cranky because they stayed up watching TV or on their phone the night before (even in first grade). Some of these young students fall asleep in class or act out simply because they haven't gotten the sleep they need to rest and grow.” Turn off screens and remove them from children's rooms at least an hour before bedtime.