After-School Restraint Collapse: Reasons & Remedies

Do your kids fall apart when they get home from school? Do they have tantrums or start crying and whining? Well, it turns out there is a name for this phenomenon.

The term 'afterschool restraint collapse' was introduced by Andrea Loewen Nair, a counsellor and parenting expert from London, Ontario. It describes a situation where children often misbehave or act out after school because they have been following rules and meeting expectations all day at school—and they are all out of self-control.

Thankfully, there are ways parents can help their kids manage afterschool restraint collapse. But if you are not sure how, we're here to help. Ahead, we'll cover the causes behind afterschool restraint collapse, its symptoms, and practical ways for parents to help their children navigate their emotions.

What is after-school restraint collapse?

According to L'Taundra Everhart, M.Ed, a special education expert and the founder and CEO of Mixed Greens For The Soul, after-school restraint collapse happens when kids let out their emotions at home after keeping them in all day at school.

"The term after school restraint collapse is real, she says. "This is caused by the extended effort of self-regulation in a structured and often stimulating environment."

Everhart tells Today's Parent that children who are more sensitive, anxious or have trouble with transitions are more likely to experience after-school restraint collapse. She further adds, "Children with ADHD or autism are more susceptible to after-school restraint collapse due to the extra energy they use to meet neurotypical expectations throughout the school day."

Causes of afterschool restraint collapse

Evertheart says there are several reasons why after-school restraint collapse happens. Some causes are too much homework, not enough free playtime, and less recess.

She also says, "Kids these days face high behaviour standards from an early age. Their days are packed with too many activities outside of school. Plus, they get too much stimulation from digital devices at school and home."

Signs and symptoms of afterschool restraint collapse

Parents need to look out for certain behaviours that may show their child is feeling overwhelmed after school. Everheart says these could be emotional outbursts, crankiness and feeling very tired.

Everheart also mentions other signs like pulling away from others, struggling to make choices or follow instructions, and being bothered by sounds, lights or other sensations more than usual. "In some cases, kids also might even act younger than their age," she adds.

Who is affected most by afterschool restraint collapse?

Afterschool restraint collapse can happen to kids of any age, but Everheart says it is very common among elementary and middle school students between five and 13 years old.

She explains, "Kids this age are still learning how to control their emotions properly. They also have to deal with harder social situations and schoolwork, which can lead to afterschool restraint collapse."

Impact on children and families 

Afterschool restraint collapse has short and long-term impacts on children and families, says Everheart. "In the short-term, it disrupts the family's normal routine, increases stress for everyone and can lead to issues like not finishing homework," she explains.

If not handled properly, afterschool restraint collapse can also have long-lasting effects. Everheart adds, "These include doing poorly in school, constant stress and anxiety, low self-esteem, damaged relationships between parents and children and developing unhealthy ways of coping."

Tips and strategies at home

Luckily, there are many ways parents can help their children deal with feeling tired and overwhelmed after school at home. According to Everheart, one good approach is to give children some time to relax and unwind after school, before they start their homework or chores.

"Also, creating a quiet and safe space, like a quiet room or corner, can be a peaceful place for the child to go," she suggests. "Physical comfort, like hugs or weighted blankets, can also help if the child is open to it. Most importantly, it's helpful to listen with understanding and validate the child's feelings, and stay calm as a parent, even when the child's behavior is challenging," she explains.

Tips and strategies at school

Managing afterschool meltdowns requires a collaborative approach with school staff and professionals.

Everheart emphasizes, "Teachers, aides, and the child themselves can provide valuable insights into the child's daily experiences. Maintaining regular communication with teachers, through tools like checklists or running records, is crucial for understanding the child's challenges and monitoring their progress."

Partnering with the school counsellor, psychologist, or PBIS (Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports) team can also help develop effective coping strategies.

"With the assistance of these individuals," Everheart adds, "you can advocate for accommodations like movement breaks, quiet spaces for decompression and ensure that all professionals involved share a consistent understanding of the child's specific needs."

When to seek professional help 

When kids act out after school, it can be very hard for parents to deal with by themselves. When this happens, Everheart suggests getting help from professionals, especially if the child's behavior really disrupts the family, if the child seems anxious or depressed or if trying strategies at home and school don't work.

Everhart says, "Helpful professionals include child psychologists or therapists, occupational therapists (especially for sensory regulation) and educational consultants or advocates." She adds, "Family therapists, pediatricians, or child psychiatrists may also be involved, especially when considering medication for conditions like ADHD or anxiety."

FAQ:

1. Are there warning signs that a child is reaching their limit before school meltdowns occur? 

According to Amanda Vierheller, early education expert and the COO and co-founder of Playgarden, there are visible clues that signal when children are reaching their limits.

"Passive behaviors like feeling tired, falling asleep, or removing themselves from others and activities could be early indicators," Vierheller explains. "At times, children may zone out or seem unable to concentrate on conversations or tasks at hand. They also might actively refuse to participate in activities, cry or become clingy. Additionally, children may exhibit agitation and express frustration through verbal or physical outbursts."

2. What are some good decompression activities for kids after school?

After the school day ends, Vierheller advises including physical movement or exercise, a healthy snack, and a break to help your child relax and re-energenize.

She cautions against immediate screen exposure after school hours, as the intense blue light can be taxing and impede the mind's ability to rest. Instead, Vierheller proposes engaging in hands-on pursuits like reading, art and crafts, musical activities and quiet playtime, which can help kids transition from school to home.

3. How can parents help prevent after-school restraint collapse from happening?

Parents can help prevent after-school restraint collapse by providing children with a consistent routine that addresses their after-school needs.

Vierheller explains, "Kids thrive with consistency and routine as it calms them and makes them feel comfortable being able to predict what will happen in their day."

Parents and caregivers can also support their children at school by using tools to stay connected while apart. Vierheller recommends, "Parents can try using notes in their lunch, photo tags of family on their backpack. These tools help children to feel bonded to family when stressful situations occur at school and can aid in managing emotions."

4. How can parents stay calm when their child is melting down?

When children are highly emotional, they may raise their voices, say hurtful things or act out physically. To defuse the situation, Vierheller recommends that parents remain calm, speak softly and slowly, and get down to the child's eye level during communication.

"It can be challenging, but parents shouldn't match the child's high energy or try to talk over them," Vierheller advises. "Instead, by speaking softly or even whispering, you can help lower their energy level."

However, if your child is not ready to talk, don't force a conversation. Vierheller explains, "Sometimes, in an attempt to connect, we push our children to converse when they actually need peace and quiet after a long day. Observe your child's willingness to talk and follow their lead. They may want to discuss their day right away, or they may need space and time to process and adjust to the transition to home."

5. Should parents leave their child alone during an after-school meltdown?

Vierheller suggests that when your child is highly emotional, sometimes the best approach is to walk away to avoid worsening the situation.

"Make sure your child is feeling safe, then move to another room, look at yourself in the mirror, and practice deep breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds," she recommends. "By using this method, you can relax your own body, which will help you soothe and calm your child more effectively."

Experts: 

• L'Taundra Everhart, M.Ed, a special education expert and the founder and CEO of Mixed Greens For The Soul
• Amanda Vierheller, early education expert, COO, and co-founder of Playgarden