This is hands down the WORST baby shower cake ever!
A bloody baby doll head bursting from a vagina cake is disgusting enough, but it's the cake's bottom that truly puts it over the top.
Photo: @NerdyDancer_ via Instagram
We've seen plenty of awful baby shower cakes in our time, but this one takes it TOO. FAR.
(Warning: This cake is capital-G gross, so scroll down at your own risk.)
As if the bloody baby doll head emerging from a fondant vagina detailed with chocolate sprinkle pubic hair (disturbing side note: Why are the baby's eyes WIDE OPEN?), isn't jarring enough, look to the base of the "cake" for an extremely not-sweet surprise.
That's right. The cake has a second orifice and it's making Lincoln Logs. *Cue the chorus of vomit noises*
This cake is equal parts disgusting and #truelife: Sometimes all that pushing means things other than a baby get expelled from the body, but is a baby shower—or a cake platter, for that matter—really the place for such a graphic reminder? Props to the baker who made those realistic turds, but they could be made from the most delicious chocolate and they still wouldn't come anywhere near our mouths. We're gonna have to pass on dessert this time.
Hopefully the mom-to-be was in on the joke, because this is one surprise we wouldn't wish on anyone.
These other cakes aren't as awful, but they are really creepy. Check 'em out:
This is where gingerbread comes from
We could make a ginger joke, but we won’t. So, uh, why is this cake an actual gingerbread woman pushing out a baby?!
Zombie baby
We hope very much for the sake of the mom in question that her baby doesn’t just zombie out of her gut on his own. That looks a little painful.
Pancake baby
OK, we can’t all be artisically inclined. But this nondimensional cake is truly the stuff of nightmares.
The Exorcist
Congrats on giving birth to Satan.
Oh, hey
And sometimes, apparently, you give birth to a toddler?
I can see the head!
Does anyone else think Sunset Blvd (“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up”) when they see this? So creepy. But in all honesty, I bet those glazed strawberries and that chocolate sprinkle butthole taste pretty good.
Good luck eating this
The doll-face cake was tame compared to this business. Nope. No. This one is making us never want to eat cake again (and that’s a very serious statement). Rachel, we are very, very sorry.
Sex ed
When it comes time to teach Baby Gentri about sex, this cake will do all the work.
Hmm
What we want to know is WHY DOES THIS BABY HAVE TEETH?! Looks painful. Does anyone else think the vagina totally looks like a Piranha Plant from the Mario Brothers videogame?
Get ready
OK, this one is kind of sweet. Creepy, for sure, but definitely sweet, too. 10/10 would eat this cake and enjoy it.
Thumbs up for birth canals
Can we please just appreciate the detail of this weird cake? Seriously, the fondant skin has that “glow”; the sheet is so artfully draped, and even the stretch marks look authentic. We would definitely partake in a piece of the leg. Forks up!
Do you want to feel him kick?
Some might think this is sweet, but wee fondant feet kicking out of a stomach makes us raise our eyebrows.
A whole new level of weird
Oh, good, I always wanted to try a slice of placenta cake with a side of medical instruments.
Fresh from the womb
So, this cake is, uh, interesting? Bravo to the cake designers for creating such a life-like pretty-much-still-a-fetus confection, but it’s just so gross. Who requests this kind of cake, really? Why is it blue? We have so many questions.
Vagina is the new Cabbage Patch
There’s something so endearing about this fresh-faced Cabbage Patch doll peeking out of a rather unappetizing vagina.
Demon cake
Baby Ethan looks demonic! The person who made this is either a really bad cake decorator or really hates the Robinson family.
Push, Xtina
OK, so Christina Aguleria had a creepy cake, too, but hers seems much more tame than some of the others. Maybe it’s because her cake self has painted fingernails.
Interesting colour choice
Mazel tov on the arrival of your baby swamp monster?
Zombie cake
So, according to this cake, childbirth will turn you into a character on The Walking Dead.
X-ray vision
Not sure which is worse, the pink zebra-patterned outfit or the creepy squish-faced ultrasound peeking out.
We’re gutted
Dessert is served, C-section style.
All cut up
I’ll have a slice of the forearm, please.
Read more: 8 baby shower games that are NSFW This three-year-old's poop emoji birthday party is the sh*t!
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Kevin is an associate editor for Canadian Business in Toronto, Ontario. More of their work can be found in MSN Canada, Chatelaine and This Magazine.