Why 2025 is the Year of the Self-Centred Mom

Yep, you read that right: 2025 is the year for overworked and overwhelmed moms to become self-centred. Putting yourself first can feel impossible when you’re stuck in the chaos of caregiving for everyone but yourself. But here’s the deal: survival doesn’t mean barely scraping by. It means stepping out of survival mode altogether. Anything less is unsustainable, and the alternative isn’t pretty.

Burnout is a parenting crisis

A 2024 report from Ohio State University (OSU) College of Nursing found that 57 percent of parents in the U.S. with children under 18 self-reported burnout, largely due to pressure to be perfect. Burnout not only impacts you as a parent but also your kids, as those experiencing it are more likely to “insult, criticize, scream at, curse at and/or physically harm their children (i.e. repeated spanking).

Setting boundaries for survival

Lynne Newman, an occupational therapist, Simplicity Parenting educator, and shadow coach, says parents act as gatekeepers to the world. “We hold the key. Our children are in our environment; yes, they go to school, but we can shape their experience by setting boundaries.” She stresses the importance of setting boundaries to prioritize your well-being. By giving yourself permission to say no to external demands, you can create the space needed to support both yourself and your children more effectively.

But how can you avoid the exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and stress of parenting in a world with so few systemic supports? Modern moms like you are overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations and endless responsibilities, often leading to guilt and shame. Increasingly unable to cope, you may distance yourself emotionally from your children or retreat into escape fantasies, imagining lives shaped by different choices.

Let go of doing it all

What if your life were structured so you didn’t feel the need to escape? Newman, no stranger to strained living, explains that moms often feel overwhelmed, especially without family or support nearby. “When my girls were little and I was a caregiver to my husband who was sick,” she says, “I had to do some deconditioning around the messages of having to be the mom who does all the things. What helped me was reminding myself that I'm the foundation of the family—but not from a martyr perspective. This kind of gave me permission to prioritize myself.”

Some parental pressures will never go away, but what if some of your tasks could? In Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman advises doing less, not more. Part self-help, part existential exploration, his book encourages you to view your life—and yourself—as finite, with the average human living only approximately four thousand weeks if you’re lucky. Rather than feeling stifled by this sobering statistic, Burkeman frames it as an opportunity to shed what is unnecessary.

Ditch the efficiency trap

With moms overburdened by work both in and outside of the home, there’s a tendency to try to do more and more. This drive to be productive is what Burkeman calls “the efficiency trap”—the more you do, the more you’re expected to do. For example, if you become proficient at replying to emails, you’ll likely be seen as someone who responds promptly, encouraging more people to reach out to you. And who wants that? A major burden for you in the digital age is the endless to-do list, much of it unpaid, including managing communications, scheduling and constantly rescheduling for school, extracurriculars, and a stream of birthday party invitations. But how can you break free from this cycle?

Prioritize your sacred commitments

Burkeman urges letting go of the “delusion” that everything can get done. He introduces an exercise often attributed to Warren Buffet: list the top 25 priorities that matter most in your life. The top five represent your sacred commitments, while the remaining 20 are of lesser importance. Instead of trying to fit them into your schedule, Burkeman advises eliminating them, as they can distract you from your core values.

Prioritizing what matters most is a form of self-care beyond bubble baths and mani-pedis—though pampering can certainly be a part of mindful living. Newman defines self-care as practicing self-compassion, saying, “You need to honour your own needs.” She often reflects on whether a task or event is a priority and suggests parents like you find their own guiding criteria, aligned with their values. Newman asks herself questions such as, “Do I need to make the gingerbread cookies? Do I need to write the thank-you cards? Does my child need to attend 10 different birthday parties for kids they’re not close with?”

Shifting out of survival mode

Newman works with mothers, including those facing “additional adversity challenges” such as chronic illness or grief. She says those in survival mode can become accustomed to it, increasing cortisol exposure in the brain. “We actually get—I don't like the word addicted—but we do get accustomed to that. We do need to consciously move out of it and realize it’s safe to not be in crisis or survival mode.”

Even moms like you who aren’t facing major challenges beyond the normal demands of parenting can become both wired and mired in fatigue and stress. The emotional rollercoaster of parenting can often leave you in survival mode long after your child starts sleeping through the night. Even as routines become more predictable, the cycle of exhaustion and hyper-alertness persists. But what if, once your kids become less dependent, you shift your focus and reclaim your place at the centre of your own life?

Let’s make 2025 the year you become self-centred. If this sounds or feels too selfish, remember that valuing your own needs is not only the best thing you can do for yourself but also for your children. Your little ones are watching, and one of the greatest gifts you can give them is a grounded, present parent.