The myth of the horny pregnant lady

Anyone who’s ever watched a movie or a TV show that involves a pregnant character is probably familiar with the concept of the Horny Pregnant Lady. She’s large and in charge, and she just can’t get enough of that D! 

Right. 

Outside of Hollywood’s hilariously inaccurate portrayal of pregnant women, may we ask where in the hell these libidinous women are hiding? 

We’re sure there are a few women out there who still wanna get down after getting knocked up. If you’re able to feel like a mega babe while another human being does somersaults in your gut, we tip our hats to you, you sly dog. In our experience, however, most pregnant women are usually thinking some combination of the following: Don’t touch me, I feel gross, and I will cut you.

The literature out there supporting the existence of the Horny Pregnant Lady is endless. If you type “pregnancy and libido” into Google, a shit-ton of articles will pop up claiming that pregnancy kicks a gal’s sex drive into attack mode. If you read through online forum posts about the same topic, however, the discussions consistently centre around lowered libidos [insert]. 

This is a problem, folks.

All this misleading talk about the Horny Pregnant Lady is making the non-horny pregnant ladies feel like sex-hating weirdos. What’s worse, a lot of these mamas-to-be feel guilty, and they worry that their temporary lack of desire will send their partners running into the arms (or vagina) of a more “eager” (read: not bloated and nauseous) lover. 

That’s bullshit. 

First of all, if you trust your partner enough to make a baby with you, you should damn well trust them enough to stick around and hold your hand while you grow that baby in your uterus for the better part of a year. Second of all, women do not need yet another thing to make us feel guilty/worried/shitty/whatever. 

Instead, let’s band together in our collective unhorniness. Let’s make a deal to be frank and honest about our personal experiences when it comes to (not having) sex during pregnancy (and postpartum, which is a whole other story). 

If you’re reading this right now thinking, This is me! I’m the least horny pregnant lady ever!, you are most definitely not alone. The way pregnancy is portrayed on film and TV is garbage (How “funny” is it watching labour scenes when you’ve experienced real labour?), so don’t let any of those fake, airbrushed, sex-hungry bitches make you feel bad about yourself, your sex life, or your relationship. Go grab a doughnut, and spoon with your body pillow. Your libido will return in due time.

From The Rebel Mama’s Handbook for (Cool) Moms by Aleksandra Jassem and Nikita Stanley (@therebelmama), copyright © 2020 by the authors and reprinted by permission of HarperCollins.