10 selfish reasons for men to love their first pregnancy

You may not get to enjoy the stretch-panel jeans and subway seats, but there are plenty of perks for fathers-to-be. Here’s what to expect when she’s expecting.

Illustration: Nica Patricio Illustration: Nica Patricio

1. She looks great That pregnancy glow? It’s real. Science will tell you it’s because she carting around an extra pint or two of blood to rosy up her cheeks. But your husband brain won’t care about that. He will just enjoy the view.

2. You will be sent on ice cream runs…and you will love it Her cravings for Häagen Daz and dill pickle chips will uncover food combinations you didn’t know needed to exist. One British survey found that men gain an average of 14 pounds and two inches to their waistline during pregnancy. Whatever. Dadbods are hot, right?

3. The sex Not only is it not off the table, it can be pretty darn fantastic. Particularly early in the second trimester, once her morning sickness wanes and before your future heir starts doing calisthetics in utero, which can make her feel super uncomfortable.

4. The boobs You may not get to touch them (that extra blood makes them extra-sensitive), but they do look extra great, don’t they?

5. You always have a designated driver That is until you get carried away, drink a few too many beers while your partner nurses an orange juice and then have the nerve to request a drunken burger run on the drive home.

6. She was totally down for that burger run Oh, she’ll still bring it up years later. But she loved that 4 a.m. Whopper as much as you did.


7. You have a free pass* You want to go golfing with the boys on Sunday morning? No problem. Having you out of the bed early is a reward in itself. Band practice twice in one week? Go ahead and ask. There’s a good chance she’ll say yes and really, you should enjoy it now, because this pass has a firm expiration date.

*Limited coverage applies 8. Dumb baby names Seriously. While you’re not actually going to call that little peanut Chipotle Bubblegum or Rance Mulliniks, the joke list is almost as much fun as the real list.

9. Baby gear is super fun Sure, it’s no 4K television, but setting up all the gadgets, gear and Wi-Fi baby monitors does somehow trigger your provider/protector instinct. That and mastering a sick Yeezy hook on the Octotunes toy you got at the baby shower only confirms the quality of your future parenting skills.

10. You suddenly get country songs Emotionally manipulative songs like “Best Day” by George Strait and “Anything Like Me” by Brad Paisley will somehow bring on the waterworks. You’ll begin to wonder if they pump this stuff into ultrasound clinic waiting rooms on purpose. Actually, scientists call it “Couvade Syndrome,” in which men experience the symptoms and behaviour of a pregnant women—like heightened hormone levels. It also works for Michael Bublé numbers. Be warned.


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