How To Support Your Kids After School Shootings

For parents, school shootings feel personal—even when they happen hundreds of kilometres away. This week's shooting in Tumbler Ridge, BC, has rocked communities across Canada, and left many with questions that aren't easy to answer.

On February 10, Tumbler Ridge RCMP say they received a report of an active shooter at Tumbler Ridge Secondary School at about 1:20 p.m. PT, prompting a public alert as officers rushed in and evacuated students and staff. Officials later confirmed nine people, including the shooter, died; six of the victims were at the school (one educator and five students, ages 11–13), and two others were found dead at a nearby residence. Many more were injured; some were airlifted to hospital in critical condition. The shooter was identified as 18-year-old Jesse Van Rootselaar, a local resident with a history of mental health issues.

An event like this is baffling to everyone, but for kids, it can be even harder to process—school is a place where they are meant to feel safe, and this can shake their trust in routines that used to feel normal. These are tough conversations for parents, but experts have some suggestions for navigating them. Here are a few ways to support your kid in the aftermath of school shootings.

Be a safe space

“For kids who haven’t heard about a particular incident, simply remind them that they can come talk to you anytime about anything they hear,” New Jersey–based social worker Talia Filippelli, founder of Starr Therapy, advised Today's Parent. And if they have heard something? “Before assuming anything, ask your child what he or she knows,” she says. “Then listen, ask their opinion and engage in an age-appropriate dialogue rather than pressuring yourself to find the perfect explanation.”

Be honest, but careful

Boston psychiatrist Neena McConnico told Today's Parent that parents need to be candid with their kids when something like this happens. “Lying ramps up the anxiety more,” says McConnico, because children are attuned to the change in routine and know that something is up. Also, if the shooting—like the one at Tumbler Ridge—ends in the death or injury of the subject, explain that the person was hurt or killed when the police tried to catch them. How the suspect was harmed doesn’t need to be explained.

Monitor closely

“If kids are bothered beyond what seems reasonable or normal, I would look for other underlying issues that are unresolved, such as an anxiety disorder or unresolved grief,” Peterborough-based play therapist Brian Nichols told Today's Parent. “Children who have suffered trauma may need to be watched more carefully, and may need more support or even outside help with the underlying issue.” Nichols suggests paying particular attention to how children seem around bedtime, when fears and anxieties can come to the forefront. “That’s often when children need extra reassurance—perhaps even for you to stay with them until they fall asleep so they feel loved and safe,” he says.