Scheduling sex around ovulation day can be irritating, inconvenient and tedious. And who has time to get in the mood for it with a candlelit dinner? These more-realistic date suggestions will help you find time for romance and sex where you previously thought there was none to be had. They might seem a little absurd but, really, what part of baby making isn’t?
1. A cottage When my husband and I were trying for our first child, I was pretty sure that I was ovulating the same week that we had arranged to share a cottage with friends—and their two-year-old. I totally recommend this. The best part of our baby-making session was when the two-year-old came looking for us, calling “Auntie Sheri, where are you?” at the top of her lungs.
Why this is the perfect date It’s exciting! Many rustic cottages don’t have locks on their bedroom doors, and nothing gets the adrenaline going like the idea of permanently scarring an innocent toddler who could walk in at any time.
2. Early-morning delight When one of you has an early flight or a really busy day at work, don’t let that stop you! Start prepping the night before. Put on a dress that makes you feel sexy, apply some special-occasion makeup (some people find YouTube tutorials helpful), go to bed at your normal time and set your alarm super-early, taking care to replace your normal alarm tone with the sexiest music you can find (or, alternatively, your wedding song).
Why this is the perfect date By the time your alarm goes off (to the tune of Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”), both of you will be so sleepy, you’ll go on autopilot. You won’t even have to bother with foreplay. You can get it done quickly and get on with your day with the satisfaction of being able to check baby making and a special date off your to-do list.
3. A visit to your in-laws Have a visit planned to see your in-laws? That’s perfect. Nothing says sexy like doing it in your partner’s childhood bedroom, especially if his old Star Wars sheets are still on the bed. Bonus points if you and his parents share a bedroom wall.
Why this is the perfect date The only thing less sexy than trying to have sex within several metres of your in-laws is trying to get it on while sharing a house with your own children. Once you have kids, you’ll have almost no privacy for the first 10 to 12 years. Being able to perform in a stressful and super-unsexy situation will help you bond with your partner, reassuring him that there is the possibility of a sex life post-kids.
4. IKEA Everyone knows that IKEA is the perfect place to test the strength of your relationship. Grab a one-dollar cinnamon bun and go check out the sofas. When you get sick of arguing about which one will fit in your TV room, don’t storm off. Instead, find a quiet spot in the bedroom section. Everyone will be too busy arguing with their significant other to even notice what you guys are up to.
Why this is the perfect date Multitasking will be very important once you become parents. This scenario allows you to combine shopping for furniture, having makeup sex and conceiving your future child. Also, you’re guaranteed to leave IKEA with approximately $68 worth of stuff that you had no idea you even needed.
5. Camping trip/outdoor music festival Don’t let ovulation day ruin what might be your last chance to camp out at an outdoor music festival! If you’re someone who likes music and tents and doesn’t mind splinters, rocks, bugs and strangers (who may or may not be 10 to 15 years younger than you), you should definitely do this. There really are few things more romantic than the smell of pot wafting through the air while the soothing sounds of an unknown but super-hip band make it nearly impossible for you to hear your partner.
Why this is the perfect date Your kids will think you are super-cool when you tell them the story of their conception. All kids love hearing about that stuff—trust me.
6. A fertility clinic Have you exhausted all other options and moved on to the sterile sexiness of a medical office? This is nice because you and your partner will be able to enjoy separate but equally awkward experiences. Needles and transvaginal ultrasounds as foreplay? Yes, please! Injecting your partner’s “specimen” into your uterus via catheter? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Why this is the perfect date Because sometimes you need to bond over the hard stuff to get to the good stuff. Also, backless blue hospital gowns are just like backless underwear but hotter.
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