How To Support A mother Who Has Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a stealthy condition. I nearly missed it. I was visiting a close friend who had given birth to her first child about a month earlier. As I cradled her little boy, he let out a tiny, perfect baby yawn, and my heart melted. “You won’t believe what he just did,” I gushed, as my friend emerged from her bedroom. “It was the most adorable thing!” I expected her to rush over and investigate the cuteness I’d just witnessed. Instead, she held up her hand in an “I can’t even” sort of way, stumbled into the kitchen to get some Advil and went back to bed.

I was dumbfounded. Why isn’t she more excited? Why doesn’t she seem connected to him? Though unspoken, my judgment blinded me from seeing what her lack of joy really indicated. A couple of months later, she was diagnosed with PPD, and I realized how completely unsupportive I’d been.

Postpartum depression is serious but also common and treatable. Statistics Canada reported in 2024 that 20 percent of mothers and birthing parents had unmet postpartum mental-health care needs. A large North American study revealed that about one in five pregnant and postpartum people experience depression and anxiety, while fewer than 10 percent receive proper treatment. In 2025, Health Canada released a national guideline for doctors and clinicians to identify and treat perinatal mood, anxiety and related disorders, underscoring the need for earlier recognition and treatment.

As soon as I realized my blunder, I took some overnight babysitting shifts so that my friend could get some rest and helped whenever I could. Whether you’re a friend, sibling or neighbour to a mother with PPD, here are some ways that you can be supportive.

What you need to know

• Check in on her, not just the baby.
• Listen without minimizing or trying to fix everything.
• Offer specific practical help: meals, laundry, older-kid pickup, baby care, so she can sleep.
• Encourage medical help and offer to help book or attend appointments.
• Know the red flags: if she talks about self-harm, harming the baby, seems severely confused, paranoid or disconnected from reality, get urgent help right away.
• In Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for crisis support, or call 911 / go to the nearest ER if safety is at risk.

When postpartum depression may need urgent help

The “baby blues” are common in the first days after birth and usually ease within about two weeks. If low mood, anxiety, hopelessness, panic, numbness or trouble functioning are lasting longer, getting worse, or making it hard for a mom to care for herself or her baby, it’s time to involve a healthcare professional. If she talks about harming herself or the baby, seems severely confused, paranoid, manic, or out of touch with reality, treat it as an emergency and get immediate help.

• Crisis or immediate safety concern in Canada: Call or text 9-8-8 or call 911 / go to the nearest emergency department.
• For more information: Read Health Canada’s Mental health during and after pregnancy resource and CAMH’s Postpartum depression overview.

Signs of postpartum depression to watch for

• Ongoing sadness, anxiety, or feeling emotionally "flat" for more than two weeks
• Hopelessness, guilt, irritability, or feeling like you’re failing as a parent
• Trouble sleeping even when the baby is asleep, or sleeping much more than usual
• Major appetite changes or unexplained weight changes
• Extreme fatigue, low energy, or feeling unable to get through the day
• Trouble concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things
• Difficulty bonding with the baby
• Losing interest in things they normally enjoy or withdrawing from other people
• Intrusive or frightening thoughts, including thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby, require immediate help

Ask how she's doing and really listen

When you visit, don’t just ask about the baby. “Tell yourself, ‘I need to leave this interaction understanding how she is really feeling,’” says Stacy Thomas, a Toronto psychologist who specializes in women’s mental health. That means showing up (more than once!) prepared to listen and making the conversation about her every single time. You shouldn’t be doing more talking than she is, either. Make it safe for her to share any feelings that she is having, even if they don’t make much sense.

“Let her know that she is able to hold two ambivalent emotions at once,” adds Carol Peat, a labour support provider and educator in London, Ont. “She can love this tiny human with all her heart yet feel like today really sucks.” Your job isn’t to make those emotions disappear; it’s to make her feel heard.

What not to say to a mom with postpartum depression

We often try to cheer up others by disputing their emotions. But comments like “What are you talking about? You’re a great mom!” are actually counterproductive. “It won’t make her feel like a great mom,” says Greer Slyfield Cook, a social worker in the Reproductive Life Stages program at Women’s College Hospital. “Instead, it invalidates her feelings and can even trigger feelings of guilt.”

Instead, echo the mother’s concerns with statements like “It sounds like you’re really worried” or “That must be really hard.” If you’ve experienced anxiety or depression before, even unrelated to pregnancy, offer up your own story to show that you understand what she is going through. Because women often feel alone when experiencing depression, it can be helpful to hear other women share their experiences.

What not to say:

• “But the baby is healthy.”
• “You should be enjoying this.”
•  “Every new mom is tired.”

Instead, try saying:

• “I’m here.”
• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
• “Let’s figure out the next step together.”

Offer to go to doctor’s appointments with her

This isn’t about keeping her company; it’s about being her advocate. She will likely have a team of practitioners to follow up with during the first year, but these postnatal checkups are usually focused on the baby, so Mom’s needs and concerns could get overlooked. Ask if you can tag along to those appointments if her partner can’t attend. “This isn’t to undermine her,” says Thomas, “but to bring up anything that feels off for her, in case the doctor doesn’t ask.” If she isn’t on board, though, do some research on her behalf. Find out what mommy support groups or therapists are available in her community.

What if she says she’s fine or refuses help?

If a mom insists she’s fine but you’re worried, try to stay calm and avoid arguing with her about what she’s feeling. Postpartum depression can come with shame, fear or a strong urge to seem like everything is under control, so a gentle, non-judgmental approach usually works better than pushing too hard.

Keep checking in, even if she brushes you off at first. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer one small, concrete next step: Can I come by this afternoon so you can nap? Do you want me to book an appointment with your doctor? Can I go with you?

If you’re worried about her safety or the baby’s, don’t wait for perfect agreement. Reach out to a family doctor, OB, midwife, public health nurse or local crisis service right away. If she talks about self-harm, harming the baby, seems severely confused, paranoid, manic or out of touch with reality, treat it as an emergency and call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. In Canada, you can get immediate crisis support by calling or texting 9-8-8 anytime.

Offer specific help instead of “Let me know if you need anything.”

It may be well-intentioned, but saying “If you need anything at all, I’m here” to a sleep-deprived and depressed mother isn’t very helpful. It puts the onus on her to figure out what she needs, which she may be struggling to understand. Be specific and direct in the help you offer. If she isn’t sleeping when she gets the chance (a warning sign of PPD), ask if you can take the baby off her hands while she naps, showers or goes somewhere for a few hours. If there’s an older child in the picture, offer to do daycare pickup or drop-off. And, because she may not be eating regularly, arrive with her favourite food when you visit.

Celebrate small wins without pressuring her to feel better

Another indicator of PPD is when small victories don’t have any impact on how the mother feels. For example, maybe she managed to get her baby to sleep, but there’s no one around to recognize her achievement. “Infants can’t praise you for feeding them,” says Peat, who makes a point of throwing routine dance parties when her clients’ babies gain weight. Maybe the mother finally got her baby to latch, maybe she actually ate breakfast today, or maybe she just isn’t feeling like a huge failure for the first time in a while. Whatever the triumph, find a fun way to celebrate with her.

Get support for yourself if you’re one of her main helpers

If you’re a close relative or friend of the mother, you might be providing significant emotional and practical support on a daily basis. But by constantly looking out for her, you may soon find yourself in need of someone to lean on as well. In this situation, the best thing you can do is look outside for that help. “Don’t tell the mom, ‘I’m so worried about you, I couldn’t sleep last night,’” says Slyfield Cook. “It’s not an equal playing field when someone is depressed, and the support can’t be reciprocal.”

Postpartum support comes in many forms. I know the next time I’m needed, I’ll be there in whatever way I can without judgment.