Why Dads Should Cry, Too

Growing up, I didn’t see my dad cry. I don't think he was hiding it; there just weren't occasions that brought on the waterworks. It wasn’t until I was an adult that we unfortunately experienced deaths in the family, including my uncle and aunt (his brother and sister), that I saw his raw emotion. It made me feel more comfortable in my own sadness to know he and I were going through the same feelings. And now that he’s older (and I’m perimenopausal), we let the tears flow freely for just about anything, from a moving handwritten message in a greeting card to a tear-jerker of a Tim Horton’s commercial.

My son is 12 and has only seen my husband cry once, when my father-in-law passed away last year. My son reacted much as I did. He, too, was sad, and the two of them were able to console each other. Crying is a reaction that has many emotional and even physical benefits, and it’s something experts say we should do freely and openly, whether you’re a mom or a dad.

Why it's less common for men to cry

For a lot of men, crying isn’t just uncomfortable; it’s been socially trained out of them. Generations of boys grew up hearing some version of “man up,” learning to swallow emotion instead of naming it. That legacy still shows up today: dads who worry that crying will scare their kids, partners who default to being the “strong one,” boys who feel embarrassed by perfectly normal feelings.

Experts say this isn’t just outdated, it’s unhealthy. When kids never see men cry, it reinforces the idea that vulnerability is a liability instead of a human experience. And that’s exactly why modelling tears, especially from fathers and father figures, can be such a powerful reset for the next generation. By watching men express emotion without shame, kids learn that sadness doesn’t make you weak, it makes you whole.

Why crying is healthy

“Allowing your child to see you show emotions breaks down the old, antiquated gender norms, which state that if you show emotions, you are weak and have to bottle up your feelings,” said Georgia Dow, a child psychotherapist in Montreal. This could be particularly true of men. “Normalizing what we feel and why it is healthy will allow your child to be able to understand when they are feeling upset as well. Your child will do what you do, not just what you say. So, each day you are modelling how to grow into a healthy, well-rounded individual.”

She added, “Children are mimics, so showing a healthy range of emotions will help them understand and express emotions themselves. When you are unable to express your emotions, it can lead to anger issues, depression, and anxiety. Not seeing your parents be able to express themselves can lead to shame if they feel sad and upset.

“I also find that this increases the chances that your child will not feel as safe to share if they are feeling upset and sad, as they worry they may be judged or are expressing something that is not accepted.”

Psychological benefits of crying

Crying has many advantages.

• It provides an essential outlet for pent-up emotions, whether they stem from sadness, grief, joy, frustration or stress. This release helps to restore emotional balance, acting as a "reset button" for the nervous system.
• Emotional tears can help the body remove stress hormones that build up during times of distress, and by suppressing these emotions, you could experience negative health consequences, like having a less resilient immune system. It can lead to cardiovascular issues as well.
• Crying also provides natural pain relief. Did you know that the act of crying releases "feel-good" hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, which are the body's natural painkillers and mood enhancers? This creates a calming effect and a sense of well-being after crying.
• Finally, crying is self-soothing by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which is responsible for promoting rest and relaxation. It can help you calm down and return to a more neutral emotional state.

Physical benefits of crying

Believe it or not, crying can help your body, too.

• Crying improves eye health. Basal and reflex tears keep the eyes lubricated, nourish the cornea, and help flush out irritants like dust, smoke, and debris. Tears also contain an enzyme called lysozyme, which has antibacterial properties that help fight against infection.
• The calming and mood-enhancing effects of crying can help a person fall asleep more easily as well.

Three things you should do if your child sees you crying

1. Don’t rush away or hide it, Dow said. “This will make them feel this is something they should also be ashamed of if they feel it.”
2. Share that you are feeling sad and that this is a normal way people feel sometimes, but that they don’t need to worry about you.
3. “It is also important not to overshare things with your child if they would worry or it may be overwhelming,” Dow advised. “You always want this to be age-appropriate and not to cause your child to worry. Your child should not be your support system or therapist.” Also, if your child sees you always sad, this may be hard for them to comprehend, and if this is the case, “you may wish to reach out for professional support from others in your community.”