Family life

Top 5 sex secrets for happy parents

What’s the secret to a red-hot sex life? Psychotherapist Liza Finlay gets the goods from her favourite lovey-dovey couples.

Photo: iStockphoto Photo: iStockphoto

Some couples just have it. You know, that hard-to-put-your-finger-on-it quality that makes spending time with them simultaneously inspiring and nauseating.

It’s not so much that they’re in love; it’s that they’re also in like, and notably, in lust. They actually dig each other. I mean, they are totally into each other—even after years of marriage, parenting, emotional highs and lows.

So, what’s the secret to a red-hot sex life? I asked a few lovey-dovey clients, friends (and parents of friends) to share their bedroom confessions. Here’s what I learned.

1. Flirt Flirting is the foreplay of foreplay. Before you even get to the bedroom, sexual teasing is, well, the teaser. In fact, even if you never make it to the bedroom, flirting keeps the lusty part of your love alive.

2. Do it Even when you don’t feel like it. Make sexual intimacy as integral to your routine as flossing your teeth. Indeed, lust isn’t so much a feeling (you either have it or you don’t) as it is a muscle that requires regular exercise. Or, think of your sexual relationship as a garden: If you want to enjoy its fruits for years to come, it needs constant cultivation.


3. Stay curious The key to a healthy, lusty, lengthy sex life is the ability to adapt. To what? Changing bodies, changing hormone levels, changing ability (and/or flexibility), changing routines and so forth. Your sexual routines will have to change, too. Happily navigating uncharted territory is helped hugely by an attitude of curiosity and a spirit of adventure. No, I’m not suggesting you go all 50 Shades (unless you want to), but being open to change is essential. Explore the new terrain of your partner’s body and the new reality you find yourselves in.

Read more: Sexless marriage>

4. Practise self-care You can’t give to another if you’re running on empty. So take the time to fill up your tank. Getting the sleep we need, or the exercise we deserve, or the fun we crave are all ways in which we fill ourselves up—ensuring that we have a “self” to share.

5. Be self-accepting  There is nothing sexier than self-confidence, and nothing more stimulating than truly occupying your body. Learn to love it. The saggy skin around our midsection speaks to the children we carried; the lines around our eyes tell a wonderful tale of wisdom earned. The story of your life is written on your body. When you share your body, you’re sharing your story. And perhaps adding an exciting new chapter.

Happy parents, happy family, right? Start putting some of these tips to practice.

This article was originally published on Feb 24, 2014

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