How to find time with your partner among kid chaos

Finding time together... That challenge can seem as gargantuan as finding a parking spot at a Michael Kors 75-percent-off sale. (Sorry, my slip was showing.) Carving out one-on-one time with your partner is critical.

Your partnership is the foundation upon which the family is built. But the minutia of the daily grind erodes connection, it eats into free time, and it eats away at closeness. You and your partner become co-pilots instead of co-vivants.

But here’s the deal: Nurturing the primary partnership is about quality, not quantity. Here are a few ways to make your relationship "intimacy efficient"…

Hug — three times daily. (Picture me pulling out my prescription pad and writing up an order for daily doses of affection.) Specifically, make a point of hugging when you get up in the morning, when you reunite after work, and when you go to bed at night.

Create a "couple mantra" — a sentence that sums up your feelings about the partnership. My partner and I came up with: “I’m so glad there’s us.” 

I have clients who laughingly echo Jerry Maguire and intone, “You complete me."

What’s yours? Make up something meaningful, and then repeat the mantra daily.

Seriously. One of the casualties of busy family life is physical intimacy. So book sexual rendezvouses the way you book routine maintenance for your car (believe me your marriage will run more smoothly). And it doesn’t have to be a marathon sexual romp, either. A quickie can be short, but sweet. 

When it comes to skipping out on date night, I’ve heard every excuse in the book: you couldn’t find a babysitter, you ran out of money, or, you ran out of time. All of those obstacles can be overcome with a little planning. Make a standing appointment with your favourite sitter, block the time in your iCal for the foreseeable future and put aside the necessary funds. Skip a few lattes if you have to. This is that important. 

Use technology to your advantage. Get into the habit of texting and emailing your spouse frequently throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be naughty (although that works, too). 

Feeling disconnected from all the little things in your partner’s planet can lead to a much bigger disconnection. Keeping your partner in the loop (“You’ll never guess who I just ran into…,” and “Just had the meeting from hell…”) lends instant intimacy. And you don’t even have to be in the same room. Talk about intimacy efficiency!

Read more: Still horny after all these kids
Our sex life is better after having kids Date night? No thanks. I'll take a date day