Being a stay-at-home mom is referred to as both the best job in the world and the hardest job in the world. In my experience, it's really a bit of both. Some days you're on the top of the world: your kids behave, the house is clean and you wear something other than your pyjamas to school drop-off. Other days, you're not so lucky. If there's one constant in being a stay-at-home mom it's that it's the most extreme job in the world—with extreme highs and lows. Now that both my kids are in school full-time, I find I'm more of a housewife than a stay-at-home mom—and I really hate life as a housewife. Good thing there are made up holidays like National Housewives Day (November 3 in the US) to make me feel better (or at least to give me a reason to bake myself a cake).
To celebrate five years of being a stay-at-home mom (and housewife), I thought I'd share some of the best stock photos that hilariously fail to capture what our lives are like.
1. When you go to the salon, don't forget to take your rotary phone with you! Not only can you catch up with old friends (or book the family's dentist appointments), but your kids won't pester you to borrow it to play Minecraft.
2. Not only are matching rubber gloves and aprons prettier than bare hands and a bleach-stained T-shirt, they make you happier, too! Be sure your apron has vertical stripes—they instantly make you look slimmer when you're scrubbing toothpaste off of those full-length bathroom mirrors. And don't forget to generously apply shiny lip balm.
3. "Hi, Loving Arms Daycare? Do you have a part-time spot in your toddler room so I can go grocery shopping once a week by myself? Hello? I can't hear you. This connection makes it sound like you're laughing at me."
4. Everything you need to make your own baby food are things you likely already have around the house: kale, sweet potatoes, a heavy duty blender, a direct line to poison control because you're worried about food-borne illnesses and a pastel-green sweater set.
5. If your toddler isn't napping, try giving her your coffee and then make some important phone calls. It's guaranteed to having her nodding off in no time.
6. “Brushing my toddler’s teeth is my favourite way to unwind. She never, ever flops around like a deranged mackerel hell-bent on knocking herself unconscious on the nearest wall, counter or tile floor. It’s our special time together.”
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