Do You Tell Your Kids You Get Botox?

So, you’re one of the millions of Canadian women who get Botox regularly? Do you tell your kids about your tweakments?

Botox is a popular brand name for a neurotoxin that, when injected under the skin, temporarily relaxes muscles. It is commonly used to treat medical conditions like chronic migraines and widely used cosmetically to soften facial wrinkles and fine lines. When administered by a medical professional for skin rejuvenation, Botox is considered very safe. Results are typically visible within three to 14 days and last for up to four months.

“By relaxing the movement of facial muscles that over time lead to expression lines, it softens frown lines, forehead lines, and crow’s feet,” says Dr. Leah Smith, a physician and medical director of My Beauty Doctor, a boutique medical aesthetics clinic in Toronto, and mom who gets Botox herself.

Her daughter is a toddler, so she hasn’t had an opportunity to talk to her about it. When it comes to her patients, Dr. Smith says that some are completely open about getting Botox, while others prefer to keep their aesthetics appointments private from their kids, as well as friends and family. “Both approaches are valid—I don’t think there’s one correct answer,” she says.

Should I hide the fact that I get Botox from my kids?

“I would love for more parents to own their choices and be able to say, yeah, I’m going to this Botox appointment—do you know what Botox is?” says Zoe Bisbing, a psychotherapist and mom of three whose popular Instagram account, @mybodypositivehome, often tackles topics around self-image.

“There are different ways to talk about cosmetic procedures that are right for different kids at different ages, and different parents,” says Bisbing. “I think the glaringly wrong way is to talk about them as though they are inevitabilities,” she says. The danger could come in either implied or outright negative talk about aging and how women’s bodies change with time in a way that requires correction.

But it’s also counterproductive to vilify Botox or other cosmetic procedures, says Bisbing. Adults can make decisions about the care and maintenance of their body—children need to understand this, too. “We want our kids to grow up with this understanding that personal choice and bodily autonomy matter, and that there’s nothing wrong with these desires,” she says.

Botox and healthy body image

One reason why parents might shy away from conversations around cosmetic procedures is due to a fear that it will undermine what they’ve already taught their kids about loving their bodies as they are. If you have previously told your children that healthy bodies look different, discussed that there should be no one standard of beauty, and that diversity in shapes and appearance is beautiful, you may feel hypocritical saying that you’re heading off to a filler top-up appointment. But in fact, this perspective may be missing part of the point.

“I don’t want parents to feel like they’re not going to be able to nurture body image resilience if they get Botox,” says Bisbing. It only becomes potentially problematic if discussions of cosmetic procedures accompany negative comments about your own appearance or other people’s signs of aging, in front of your kids, she says.

“In our clinic, one of our core beliefs is that there is no right way to age,” says Dr. Smith. “Some people feel happiest embracing every line, while others enjoy aesthetic treatments. Beauty isn’t about looking younger; it’s about feeling comfortable in your own skin, and becoming a mom has only strengthened my beliefs around this,” she says. “I have a 2-year-old daughter, and more than anything I want her to grow up believing that her self-worth has nothing to do with how she looks.”

“I don’t think it’s a crime to acknowledge that certain practices we engage in, whether it’s makeup or cosmetic surgery, have to do with not just how we feel, but how we look,” says Bisbing. It’s okay to like the look of smaller crow’s feet or slightly plumper cheeks. You can like how you look with Botox, and have healthy self-worth, and model this for your children.

Age-appropriate ways to talk about cosmetic procedures

Christina Arseneau, a 41-year-old mom of three, thinks her kids are too young to talk about Botox. “My children are 8, 7, and 5, and already face enough pressure from peers, social media, and society around appearance—I don’t want to introduce another factor that could influence how they think or feel about themselves before they are ready to understand it in the right context,” she says.

Bisbing agrees: for kids younger than 10, there is really no reason to share this personal care procedure, or your reasoning behind it. They are too young to appreciate the nuance of being able to love how you look—and enjoying a few enhancements, if you choose.

That said, if your little one picks up the word “Botox” elsewhere—or overhears a conversation between you and a friend, for example, because as we know they are always listening!—and asks you what it means, here’s what to do: First, be honest and use matter-of-fact language. Let them know that this is a minor medical procedure, which you have chosen to undergo, using a medication that has been proven to be safe. You might say something as simple as: “A doctor injects a little bit of medicine into my forehead to help my muscles relax. I like the way it makes my skin so nice and smooth.” And that’s it.

As kids reach their tweens and teens, the conversation can shift into a more nuanced talk about bodily autonomy, personal choice, and how our skin changes with age. Arseneau can imagine sharing her Botox schedule with her kids when they hit this age group. “I will be open and honest with them about it when they are teenagers,” she says. “At that stage, I think they’ll be mature enough to understand and have a thoughtful conversation about it.

Dr. Smith hopes that her daughter will grow up to find a world where women feel empowered to make choices about their appearance, and can do so honestly, without judgement. “For me, knowing what other people are doing to achieve their look—like sharing they got a facelift as opposed to saying they just use olive oil on their skin—creates more realistic beauty standards,” she says.

Being honest and open about cosmetic treatments empowers everyone to feel better about their appearance, whatever their choices, she says. “For me, honesty is always the best policy.”