What Does Self-Care Really Look Like For Moms?

It’s 2015, pre-parenthood. I call my husband, “It’s been a really long day, I need a self-care day tomorrow.” I prepare to sleep in, grab brunch with the girls, do some light shopping, and later grab a massage.

Fast forward to now. I call my husband, “It’s been a really long day, I need some self-care. Do you think we could figure out a time for me to shower tonight? Maybe alone, without the kids?”

Self-care isn’t what it used to be, at least not for moms. I used to have time for self-care. And I thought of it as days spent doing what would help me feel my best and get back into tip-top shape. Now, with two young kids, self-care looks drastically different, and frankly, almost non-existent.

Despite the constant reminders for moms that we can’t pour from an empty cup, and that we should make self-care a priority to be the best moms we can be, it simply feels impossible to add another thing into the day, even if we know it would be helpful.

In hopes of finding a solution, I connected with Vanessa Spinarsky, a therapist specializing in supporting mothers through this challenging journey. Vanessa shared, “Incorporating self-care doesn’t require elaborate spa days or hour-long workouts. It’s about redefining what self-care looks like in the context of your busy life. It’s about embedding simple rituals into your day, shifting your mindset, and nurturing yourself in ways that don’t add stress but rather alleviate it.”

It became clear that I needed to revamp how I saw self-care. I asked Vanessa to share how moms can add elements of self-care into our lives without feeling overwhelmed.

Using rituals as a path to self-care for moms

Spinarsky recommended starting with rituals. We all have rituals as part of our day, but few of us consciously recognize them as moments for self-care. She shares, “Rituals are small acts with big impacts. Rituals are a powerful tool for self-care. They don’t need to be grand or time-consuming; what matters is the intention behind them. By turning everyday tasks into meaningful rituals, you can transform even the most mundane moments into acts of self-love.”

Here are some suggestions to help you reclaim your time and energy:

1. Washing your face before bed: Releasing the day

Before bed, instead of rushing through your nighttime routine, take a few moments to wash your face slowly. As you apply your cleanser, breathe deeply and visualize yourself releasing the tensions of the day. Set a purposeful intention for the moment: “I am cleansing myself of the stress, expectations, and energy that no longer serve me.” This ritual can become a symbolic act of shedding what didn’t serve you, preparing both your mind and body for restful sleep.

2. Drinking morning coffee, water or tea: Setting the tone

Rather than gulping down your coffee or water while juggling tasks, use it as an opportunity to slow down. Take one mindful sip, breathe deeply and set a peaceful tone for the day ahead. State the intention: “This first sip is my moment to ground myself before the day begins.” This small act of being present helps reset your nervous system and provides a moment of calm before the chaos begins.

3. Closing your laptop or phone at night: Transitioning to rest

At the end of your workday, close your laptop or turn off your phone with intention. Take a moment to place your hand on your heart and acknowledge the effort you’ve put in. State the intention: “I am stepping away from productivity and making space for rest.” This ritual helps you transition from “doing” to “being,” signalling to your body and mind that it’s time to unwind and recharge.

4. Applying skincare: Honouring your body

Your skincare routine doesn’t have to be another task on your to-do list. Turn it into a sacred moment by slowing down and focusing on the sensation of the product on your skin. Make it intentional by stating, “I am nurturing the body that carries me through life.” As you apply moisturizer or serum, take a deep breath, center yourself, and honour your body for all it does.

Taking care of the whole self

Thinking about the rituals I already perform each day, like making my coffee, doing my makeup or even driving to school, made self-care feel a lot more realistic. I didn’t need to overhaul my life or find extra hours in the day, something that seemed nearly impossible. I just needed to be more intentional with the time I already had.

I decided to ask Spinarsky, “In trying to be more intentional with self-care, how can I make sure I am taking care of my whole self, while again, being mindful of not adding more to my plate?”

She shared, “Taking care of your whole self doesn’t mean doing it all at once—it means understanding what each part of you needs, and gently finding ways to meet those needs in the life you already have.” She then broke down the four core areas of self-care and how each one uniquely supports your overall well-being, along with a quick tip for getting started.

1. Emotional: Navigating your feelings

Emotional self-care is about checking in with your feelings and creating space to process them. It’s about acknowledging what you’re going through, without judgment, and taking proactive steps to care for your emotional health.

Quick tip: Pause when feeling overwhelmed and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? What do I need?” Even a moment of self-awareness can make a huge difference.

2. Physical: Taking care of your body

Physical self-care is about movement, nourishment and sleep—essential elements that keep us functioning at our best. It’s easy to neglect our physical needs when we’re busy, but even small adjustments can make a big difference.

Quick tip: Keep a water bottle nearby throughout the day to remind yourself to stay hydrated. Dehydration can quickly impact your mood and energy levels, so make hydration a priority.

3. Mental: Feeding your mind

Mental self-care involves giving your brain space to rest and recharge. It’s about protecting your mental health from burnout and stress by engaging in activities that stimulate or relax your mind.

Quick tip: Limit screen time in the evening to help your mind unwind. Instead of scrolling through social media, pick up a book or listen to a calming podcast to help transition into a restful state.

4. Spiritual: Connecting to something greater

Spiritual self-care doesn’t necessarily mean religion—it’s about connecting to something bigger than yourself, whether that’s through nature, creativity or mindfulness.

Quick tip: Spend time outdoors, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Let the natural world ground you or try a brief meditation session to reconnect with your inner self.

Putting it into action

With this new perspective in mind, I began to think about how I could bring intentionality to the rituals I already perform each day, and how these could support my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs. I decided to try two new self-care intentions:

An emotional check-in during chores

I am constantly doing chores around the house—vacuuming, laundry, dishes—and spend most of that time thinking about the next thing on my list. I decided to pick one chore and use that moment to check in with myself emotionally. Rather than letting my mind drift, I made these tasks a mini emotional reset.

New ritual: Whenever I am folding laundry, I will take a moment to ask myself, "How am I feeling right now?"

Mindful breathing when applying makeup

Every morning, I take time to apply a small amount of makeup, just a few minutes. I decided to use this time to focus on my physical well-being through mindful breathing.

New ritual: As I am applying my makeup each morning, I will take intentional, slow, deep breaths. I will inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four.

Reframing self-care as a necessity, not a luxury

By bringing intentionality to small moments in my day, I've reframed what self-care means to me. It’s no longer about needing to find extra time or planning an elaborate day of pampering, but about embracing the moments I already have and making them meaningful. Even incorporating two new simple strategies into my day, I am already seeing a difference in how I am able to be present for my family and myself.

In the busyness of motherhood, I now see self-care not as a luxury but as a necessity that can be woven into my everyday life. By being intentional with how I approach each task, I’m nourishing all aspects of myself—emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.