More than Cute: Rethinking Compliments to Build Girls’ Confidence

A meaningful compliment can go a long way. It can improve a person’s overall mood, increase self-esteem and brighten their day. But have you ever noticed that your daughter often gets the same type of compliments, such as “You look so beautiful” or “You’re so cute”?

Although these words are meant kindly, they are often the default focus when speaking with young girls. Whether it’s from parents, relatives, teachers or even strangers, these types of compliments and phrases can have a different impact than intended.

Comments focused on a child’s physical appearance can subtly suggest that their worth is defined by how they look—a message kids are already exposed to in the media and in interactions with peers. According to Dove’s 2024 State of Beauty Report, half of girls say they dislike some aspect of their appearance by adolescence.

That’s why Dove, through The Dove Self Esteem Project, has launched #ChangeTheCompliment, an educational campaign encouraging parents to highlight their children’s unique qualities, skills and strengths so kids can feel confident about who they are. Here are some tips to start the conversation and help you give compliments that empower young girls to recognize their full potential.

The importance of non-physical compliments

Ever catch your kids repeating some of the words you say in your daily conversations? It’s normal for children to pick up on certain language—which is why comments focused on appearance can stick with them, accidentally sending a message that a girl’s looks define her self-worth.

If your daughter is expressing that she doesn’t feel confident in how she looks, your first instinct might be to praise her appearance even more. However, compliments about her other qualities, values and achievements are just as important.

According to research by Dove, low body confidence and anxieties over appearance stop young people from being their best selves, affecting their health, friendships and even performance at school. But by giving compliments that are positive and helpful— like “you’re pretty and powerful”—girls can get the confidence boost they need in all these aspects of their lives.

“We all love to hear nice things about how we look, but for young girls, only receiving praise about their appearance may unintentionally harm their self-image,” says Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, a Vancouver-based author, psychologist, and educator. “When we remind girls that they are more than how they look, like celebrating what their bodies can do, or calling out their bravery, curiosity and kindness, we help girls build confidence that lasts. #ChangeTheCompliment is about reminding girls that while they are pretty, they are also brave, smart and strong!”

How to give compliments that create self-confidence

The next time you want to compliment your daughter, try adjusting your comments so that they focus on her personality and abilities. For example, point out her kind heart or her strong work ethic. Parents can help their kids view their bodies more positively by helping them see the awesome things it can do, outside of appearance. Remind your daughter how her hands can create cool art or how her tone of voice can deliver impactful presentations.

If you also notice other people commenting on your daughter’s appearance, feel free to reframe the conversation. You can mention the amazing cake she baked recently or how great she played at a recent soccer game. These small changes can help girls become more accepting toward themselves and naturally build confidence in their individual identity.

Looking for other resources to help you navigate body talk with your kids? The Confidence Kit from Dove's Self-Esteem Project is a free resource that offers activities, expert advice, and helpful action checklists to help parents start conversation with young girls and inspire self-confidence among the next generation.

Learn more about Dove’s mission and ways you can #ChangeTheCompliment at dove.ca.