No really - this isn't insane at all. It's easy, contains no unidentifiable bits (Ack! Mom! Is this an olive?), and it's very delicious.
6 slices bacon, diced
1 onion, chopped
2 cups cooked potatoes, diced
1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar
salt, to taste
black pepper, to taste
1 12-in. unbaked pizza crust
Preheat the oven to 425°F (220°C).
In a medium skillet, cook the diced bacon over medium heat just until the fat begins to melt. Add the chopped onion and cook, stirring frequently, until the bacon is crisp and browned and the onion is golden - about 8 to 10 minutes. Add the diced potatoes and cook, stirring, for another minute or two. Season to taste with salt and pepper, remove from heat and let cool slightly.
Sprinkle about half of the shredded cheese over the pizza crust. Spread the potato mixture evenly over the cheese, then sprinkle the rest of the cheese over the potatoes.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until the crust is lightly browned on the bottom, the cheese is melted, and the potatoes are sizzling.