20 After-School Questions That Will Get Your Kids Talking

Do you ever feel like what goes on at your child's school is a mystery? You ask how their day was or what they did and they say "fine" or "it was boring."

And yet, once in a while—usually just as you're saying good night—they share that they're having trouble with their school work, that a friendship isn't going well or that there's a bully. And you wonder why they didn't just tell you after school.

Why won't kids talk about their school day?

Part of it is that they're worn out. In our story "After-School Restraint Collapse Is a Real Thing—Here’s How To Deal With It",  parenting educator and registered psychologist Vanessa Lapointe says, "Kids have to hold it together all day long at school. There are all sorts of expectations, disappointments and challenges to manage, and all of this without your loving presence nearby. It can be exhausting."

Even if your kid doesn't have a meltdown after school (essentially revealing their feelings about the day), they may just be trying to decompress.

Little kids' memories are still developing

Another reason your kid might not have much to report? They don't prioritize information the way we do.

"Because young children don’t have as much general knowledge as older children or adults, they don’t know how to select what’s important to remember. They often remember things we would think of as trivial, like the fact that there were red and green tiles on the wall the first time they went swimming," says Kim Roberts, an associate professor of psychology and director of the Child Memory Lab at Laurier University in Waterloo, Ont. in our story "I Forgot".

Kids are only getting close to adult memory levels at age 10, Roberts says.

Even big kids are still learning to process emotions

While bigger kids are better at remembering their school days, they might not be so great at figuring out how they feel about it. Even adults have trouble processing emotions so imagine being a nine-year-old moving through their day at a busy school. They have to follow rules, do their work and deal with other kids, who might be kind and might not.

Plus, by grade three, kids start to seek more independence. Maybe being asked about their day feels like an interrogation.

So how do you get kids to talk?

First, give them some time to relax. Get them a snack. Let them veg out a bit.

Then, instead of asking open-ended questions, get really specific and curious. Make it fun. Start by telling your child you were thinking of them or that you missed them when you were apart.

Then ask one of the 20 questions below. You'll be surprised how much more information you get. Even if they answer "good" or "bad" to "Was today a good or bad day?", you have a starting point.

20 questions to ask your kid after school

1. Was today a good day or a bad day?
2. What did you like better today: snack time or circle time?
3. Who did you play with today?
4. Did anybody get in trouble today?
5. Did anyone do anything funny at school today?
6. What made you smile today?
7. What games did you play at recess?
8. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
9. Tell me one new thing you learned today.
10. What made you laugh today?
11. Did anyone do anything nice for you today?
12. What challenged you today?
13. What was the nicest thing you did for someone else today?
14. Who brought the best food for lunch today? What was it?
15. How would you rate your day on a scale of one to 10?
16. If one of your friends could be the teacher for the day, who would you want it to be?
17. What's your teacher's most important rule, and did anyone break it today?
18. Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know?
19. What did you have fun learning today?
20. What's one thing you did today that helped a friend or your teacher?