How To Prepare Children For Funerals

In the days immediately following a loved one’s death, many families gather to honor the person who died with rituals and practices derived from family and cultural traditions and religious beliefs. For a child, a ceremony can be a positive experience that aids coping and understanding. It can also be overwhelming and scary. Below are several suggestions to help you prepare your child for death rituals. Not all will apply to your family, but many will.

Dose information about the ceremony

Try not to overwhelm your child with every aspect of the ritual. Explain in concrete, developmentally appropriate ways what they will experience.

Revisit what death means

Young children often need to be reminded repeatedly what it means to die, which may be challenging for you if you are also grieving. Remind your child, using developmentally appropriate and concrete language, that “(Name) died. Their body no longer works. Their heart stopped beating, and they no longer breathe, sleep, eat, or play. When someone dies, it is forever.”

Discuss family beliefs and/or religious traditions around death

For example, you might say, “After a person dies, families gather to remember the dead person. In our family, we believe that each person has a part we can’t see or touch that makes them special, and it’s called their soul. We believe that when a person dies, their body stays here and their soul goes to (your family’s belief).” If your family doesn’t believe in the concept of a soul going somewhere after death, you might say, “In our family, we believe that when a person dies, there is nothing that comes after.”

Explain the purpose of the ceremony and offer the option to attend

Parents often ask me, “Should my child attend the funeral?” I recommend that you let your child decide. Children need to understand what will happen at a ceremony before they decide whether to attend. The next two suggestions can help you explain what a funeral entails.

Use the five senses approach

Describe what your child will see, hear, smell, feel, and taste at the ceremony. Will there be music, flowers, and incense? Will people be dressed differently than usual? Will people be crying or wailing? Will people be eating or preparing special foods? Will the body be there in a casket? Will the person’s cremated remains be there in an urn? Will there be pictures or mementos of the person’s life?

Draw a map of the funeral home or place of worship

A map can help you orient your child to a new and unfamiliar space. Mark important places, such as bathrooms, where the body will be, where they can go to be alone (if needed), and where the playroom is (if available).

If possible, allow your child to arrive at the service before any other guests

Arriving early offers an opportunity to learn about the surroundings with a trusted adult. They might also view the body (if there’s an open casket) and ask any questions or tell you about any fears or concerns they have. Arriving early can prevent overstimulation and ensure that your child has a meaningful experience even if they end up needing to leave before the ceremony is over.

Assign a designated adult

Identify a designated adult who can be with your young child—or available to your older child— at all times. If your child needs or wants to leave early or take a break, the designated adult can support them.

Prepare your child to see the body, if appropriate

If the person’s body will be at the ceremony, it is helpful to prepare your child for this and keep things as concrete as possible. Revisit what it means to die, and share that the person’s body won’t look the same as it did when it was alive. Include the five senses in your discussion—for example, the person’s skin color may look different, the body will be cold and hard if the child chooses to touch it, and the person will be wearing clothes and their eyes will be closed.

Explain what a casket is and how it works

This can be helpful if your child has never seen or heard of a casket. For example, you might say, “The casket is a special box that (Name’s) body will be in. Sometimes the casket is halfway open so we can see them, and sometimes the casket is closed.” Young children may have misconceptions about an open casket; they might think the body is cut in half if the bottom of the casket is closed. If your child expresses this concern, I recommend opening the lower half of the casket to show the full body. Or, try to be present with your child before the lower half is closed and flowers placed on top.

Another way to clear up worries and confusion is to provide a coloring page of an empty casket before the ceremony. Have your child draw what they think the body looks like inside the casket. Talk about the drawing and address any misconceptions.

For some families, it is customary to place objects in the casket. Placing items in the casket may be confusing for children. If the body is no longer alive, a child may wonder, “Why would they need a chocolate bar?” (A seven-year-old once asked me this question.) Here’s one way to explain this custom: “In our family, when a person dies, we like to place small items with their body. This helps us remember the good times we had with them.” If your child chooses to place items in the casket, remind them that they won’t be able to get the items back, so they should choose something that they won’t miss terribly.

Give your child a role to play

Having a role that is theirs alone can provide children of all ages with a sense of safety, empowerment, and agency at the ceremony. Roles can be small or big, depending on the child’s capacity. For example, young children might draw pictures for family members. Older children could make sure the tissue boxes don’t run out or keep a tally of how many people attend. Tweens and teens could hand out programs to those that attend. Children of any age may want to play an active role in the service. If so, help them prepare their own readings or artworks or help them choose items to place in the casket.

Explain what a wake is

Some people call a service where mourners gather with the body of a person who has died a wake. Young children may interpret this term to mean the dead person is—or will be—awake. If your family uses this term, explain what it means. For a young child, you might say something like “In our family, when someone dies, we have a gathering called a wake. This doesn’t mean (Name’s) body is awake. It’s just a special word we use to describe people coming together to share their feelings and memories about (Name).” An older child might be interested to learn why the gathering is called a wake. You might explain, “In the times before funeral homes existed, when someone died, their body was kept in the home where they lived. Someone stayed awake with the body for two or three days. During this time, friends and family would come into the house to view the body and support one another.”

Prepare for the burial

In some families, it is customary after a funeral to attend a burial at a cemetery. If a burial ceremony is planned, trust your instinct to decide whether your child is ready to attend the burial. Prepare for the burial just like you would any other experience. Use the five senses approach, describe what will happen, ask open-ended questions to assess your child’s understanding and address misconceptions, and identify an adult they go to if they need a break or need to leave.

Explain cremation

Try to strike a balance between honesty and excessive detail. Start by reminding your child that when someone dies, they no longer feel pain, eat, sleep, or play. Their body is not alive anymore. I generally advise avoiding the word fire when explaining cremation to children. I recommend this for a variety of reasons, including the possibility of the child developing misconceptions around fire. You could say, “Cremation is when the body is placed into a special machine that uses a very hot heat to turn the body into tiny pieces that look like sand.” After you say this, stop talking and observe how your child is processing the explanation. Provide more detail if necessary. Some children may ask if “very hot heat” is fire and if the body is burned. You know your child best. Use your judgment to answer this question honestly without adding unnecessary details.

Adapted from When Everything Changes by Korie Leigh © 2026. Used with permission of Free Spirit Publishing, an imprint of Teacher Created Materials, Inc., Huntington Beach, CA; 1-800-858-7339; teachercreatedmaterials.com. All rights reserved.