What Your Nanny Wishes You Knew (But Won’t Say)

As an industry leader in the nanny space for over 25 years, I have heard it all. This article highlights some of what I have gleaned from thousands of nanny conversations about what nannies expect from their employers.

Nannies are professionals who play a vital role in your household, caring for your kids. While nannies may adore your family (especially your kids), they are still navigating a delicate professional dynamic, one where honesty is often filtered to keep the peace and avoid an awkward conversation. So, in the spirit of clarity, harmony, and smoother households, here are six things your nanny probably wishes you knew, but won't say!

1. Communication: We’re good, but we're not psychic

Clear communication is everything. If your nanny shows up Monday morning and discovers your toddler suddenly doesn’t eat gluten, naps are now “child-led,” and the dog is on a new medication, without any heads-up, that’s a recipe for chaos.

Your nanny wants to support your parenting style, routines and household values. But to do that, they need to know what you want as parents and how to remain on the same page. Weekly check-ins or shared notes (a simple Google Doc works wonders) can prevent misunderstandings and keep everyone on the same page, especially when that page includes a reminder that your kid is now obsessed with wearing only a white t-shirt and undies.

2. Boundaries: Please stay out of the nanny zone

We get it—you work from home, and you love popping in to see your little one during lunch. But what feels like a quick and helpful “hi” to you is often a full emotional reset for your child and a disruption to your nanny’s carefully orchestrated rhythm. I’ve had this conversation over and over again, especially post-COVID. Boundaries are necessary.

Imagine trying to do your job while your boss periodically walks through your office, offers snacks, and then vanishes. Confusing, right? The same principle applies to nannies as well. When you're home, but the nanny is on duty, it's best to act like you're not—at least from your child’s perspective. It’s not personal; it’s just smoother for everyone involved.

3. Timeliness: Nannies’ time matters too

Yes, life happens. You have a late meeting or you’re stuck in traffic. But when parents consistently come home 15 to 20 minutes late, it sends a detrimental message that your nanny’s time is less valuable than yours. Remember, they may have a class to get to, a second job, or—gasp!—a social life.

Being punctual shows respect for your nanny’s time and creates trust. If you’re going to be late, a quick heads-up and the offer of additional compensation (even a small amount) go a long way. Or let your nanny come in a little late or leave early that week. Your nanny loves your kids, but they also love knowing they can get to Trader Joe’s before it closes.

4. Respect: Your nanny is not a babysitter, they’re a professional

When your nanny is “on,” they’re the authority figure in the house. Backing them up in front of your kids reinforces that. Correcting or overriding your nanny, especially in front of the children, undermines their role and confuses your child about who’s in charge. This is not good.

Support your nanny’s judgment, and address any concerns. You chose this person because they’re capable, experienced, and trustworthy. Treat them like a valued family member, not just someone keeping the goldfish crackers flowing.

5. Playdates are not group childcare

We love that your child is popular. But when a simple playdate turns into a “drop off your kids with our nanny” free-for-all, it changes your nanny’s scope of work, without changing their pay. This is not fair and can create subtle cracks in the relationship.

If you’re adding more kids to the mix, I recommend discussing this with your nanny beforehand - more kids = more responsibilities, safety risks, and logistics. If you want your nanny to become the unofficial neighbourhood camp counsellor, let’s talk about fair compensation and expectations. Your nanny may be super excited about additional responsibilities and pay!

6. Clean up, your nanny isn’t a housekeeper

We know it’s tempting to let the breakfast dishes soak and assume your nanny can quickly tidy up the morning chaos. And yes, many nannies will help keep things clean—but there’s a big difference between cleaning up after the kids during the day and starting the morning with last night’s lasagna dish. I’ve seen SO many nannies leave families over this specific issue. It’s just so important to discuss expectations with your nanny ahead of time and have them listed in your contract.

If the house looks like a tornado passed through before your nanny arrives, it sets a tone for the entire day. Respect your nanny’s time and energy by doing your part to maintain a reasonable baseline for order.

Bonus Thought: Support your nanny like you'd want to be supported

Micromanaging, second-guessing, or hovering over every decision can make even the most seasoned nanny feel like they’re walking on eggshells. Trust your nanny. Encourage open feedback. Let them know you value their input. A little autonomy goes a long way toward building loyalty and a happy household.

And when in doubt? Just ask. Nannies are often too polite to bring up these topics, but they appreciate it when you do. They want to understand your family dynamic and what you like and don’t. Every family is different, so it’s crucial to be open and honest with your expectations!

The Bottom Line

Your nanny isn’t just “help," they’re a critical partner in your child’s development and your family’s peace of mind. Treat them with respect, communicate clearly, and trust their expertise. If you do, you’ll not only retain a stellar nanny, you’ll create a warm, respectful, and fun environment for your kiddos.