I've Raised My Kid Vegan—What Happens Next is Her Choice

Admittedly, the Trolls-themed birthday cake looked delicious. It was tall and sparkly, with perfectly placed pink icing pretending to drip down the sides. It was chocolate and I could see my daughter's big brown eyes staring it up and down. She wanted some. But she was conflicted. I could only hope the small cupcake tucked away in my big purse could live up to the occasion. My cupcake had purple icing. It, too, was chocolate. It was also vegan.

Thankfully—this time—my little girl happily took the egg- and dairy-free treat, and seamlessly joined her friends in the festivities. But it’s not always this easy. And I expect as she grows these scenarios could get trickier. I’ve raised her vegan since she could eat solid food, but I know I can’t micromanage all the birthday parties, sleepovers and field trips forever. What she eats is increasingly becoming her choice. And one day, the Trolls cake may win out.

Why I went vegan

Around the time I decided to go vegan—and subsequently bring my now-seven-year-old along for the ride— times were a bit different. Beyond Meat had just launched to unprecedented fanfare; Oatley milk was new and exciting; Beyonce and Ellen were both reportedly vegan, and What the Health was a top-watched doc on Netflix. By the end of 2018, Maclean's magazine even let me declare 2019 “The year of the vegan.” Being vegan was cool.

Not eating animals was also gaining greater social acceptance. The link between animal agriculture and climate change was becoming increasingly evident, thanks to The United Nations Environment Programme. The World Health Organization deemed processed meat a class one carcinogen, and red meat as class two. The evidence, I thought, was all too clear. Surely everyone would be jumping on board soon.

Of course, I didn’t base my and my child’s diet on what was cool at the time (though it certainly helped). I based it on personal values, my love for animals, my concern for the planet and the nutritional science that assured me it was all safe, even beneficial. It was also pretty easy.

It seemed easy at first

When my daughter was little and still at home, I could keep her in our plant-based bubble, feeding her spinach-packed pancakes and keeping her far away from people eating wings off chickens. Even when she started preschool and began learning that other kids eat other things, it was all still manageable. I kept the school's freezer stocked with vegan cupcakes in case of impromptu celebrations, and she didn’t know anyone’s nuggets were different from hers.

Overall, some aspects of vegan parenting have been less challenging than expected, like getting a child to understand the fundamentals of why we leave animals alone. Some of her simplified interpretations of vegan philosophies have made them easier for me to understand. “Why do we put lions in a cage, or bugs in jars when they don’t like it?” she once asked. To her, it’s that simple.

But as time has gone on there have also been undoubtedly more difficult moments, like releasing her into a public school full of kids eating hot dogs and nuggets that she now knows are not the same as the ones in her lunchbox. Or, when other kids find joy in squishing spiders on the playground. Sometimes she feels angry. Sometimes she feels different. Sometimes, she just wants to eat the same cupcakes as everyone else at the Valentine's or Halloween party.

Compromising as a vegan mom

We’ve had to make some concessions, like when it comes to animal-based ingredients in baked treats or candies shared at school. Fellow vegan mom and registered holistic nutritionist Amy Longard says that we don’t want our kids (especially girls) to have unhealthy hang-ups over foods by labelling them “good” or “bad.” The Ottawa-based plant-based chef says she wants her toddler to feel part of things, “not excluded as someone who is vegan.” So, making these social concessions, she agrees, is necessary.

Our young daughters are well aware that animals are harmed in the production of eggs and dairy, but the weight of that fact doesn’t need to rest on their shoulders—especially since the culture around veganism has shifted some in the last couple of years. Beyond Meat didn’t save the world (though it is helping). And the meat, dairy and egg industries have been busy funding research and marketing to paint their products in a less horrific light.

This has led to plant-based and lab-cultured meats becoming political symbols. Alternative proteins and climate science—symbols of the left—are being pitted against beef and "freedom" on the right. It’s all far too heavy for a seven-year-old.

Being vegan doesn't define us

For now, my empathetic second grader proudly considers herself very much vegan, as well as an animal rescuer and earth protector (a club she’s joined at school). She stands with me at rallies and wants to be a journalist and advocate like her mom when she grows up. But she’s more than that. Like most kids her age, she’s trying on all the different hats. She’s also a dancer, an artist, a swimmer and a friend. Being vegan isn’t her whole identity, it’s just part of our family values, like anything else.

One day, she may wish to try the same cheeseburgers her friends are eating. I hear from some adults raised vegetarian in the nineties, that they rebelled on beef as teens. Ultimately, most of them came back around and are vegan today. I suppose if my daughter’s defiant teenage substance of choice ends up being McDonald’s, I shouldn’t be too concerned.

Like most parents, I can only hope that the values I’m instilling in her today, of kindness and empathy for all beings, of standing up for the vulnerable and just being a good person, will remain with her as she grows. Maybe one day she’ll bring her own vegan cupcakes to share at the party. Or even better, she won't have to.