Family life

Top 5 marriage myths debunked

What are the most common marriage myths? Relationship columnist Liza Finlay lets us laugh at our silliest expectations

By Liza Finlay
Top 5 marriage myths debunked

Photo by Magdalena Kucova/iStock

I asked the Twittersphere to answer the following question: What are the most monstrous marriage myths? Boy did you guys deliver.

Turns out that for many of you walking down the aisle was eye-opening in more ways than you imagined. Marriage comes with its fair share of misconceptions. You can’t help but feel you’ve swallowed a bitter pill if the chasm between "what is" and "what should be" yawns before you like a grand canyon of disillusionment.

Dr. Alfred Adler called the misperceptions that we all carry around “private logic.”  So what happens when I find out that my private logic is wrong?

Well, I’ll tell you, something amazing happens. You feel more buoyant and your relationship feels less burdened simply by putting down the weight of expectations. It’s that simple. Stop expecting your relationship to do something, be something, look like something it isn’t.

Without further ado, here are the loads of crap you told me you’d most like to unload.

Top Five Marriage Myths
1. Marriage is easy.  Nope, it’s not. But the good news is that now you don’t need to feel like a failure because you’re finding it such hard work.

2. Babies make it better. You do the math: parenting is hard + matrimony is hard.

3. Getting married will make his/her commitment issues go away. There’s got to be a Hugh Grant movie about this one. No?


4. We worked out some issues early on in the marriage so now it should be smooth sailing. Well, maybe that’s true if you’re living in a bubble, but for most of us life has ups and downs, rocky patches. But getting through turbulent waters becomes easier as you become a more experienced sailor.

5. Happy couples don’t fight. Wrong. Happy couples do fight, but they fight fair. Unless you’re sleepwalking through life, you and your partner will have conflict. It’s how you deal with that conflict that signals the health of the relationship.

This article was originally published on Mar 13, 2012

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