What's Your Anxiety Style?

We all have different emotional triggers. What triggers one parent may have little or no emotional impact on another. Imagine if a friend cancels plans at the very last moment. Would you feel irritated and aggravated? What about hurt or even relief?

Not only are we triggered differently, but what calms us when we’re feeling stressed differs for everyone. What might calm one person might amplify feelings of stress and overwhelm in another.

Learning your anxiety style will help you understand and avoid your particular emotional triggers and reduce stress daily.

The Five Anxiety Styles

Lovers

Lovers thrive on deep emotional connections and prioritize the quality of their relationships with friends and loved ones. They find joy and security in close bonds, and can feel deeply distressed by perceived rejection, isolation, or a lack of emotional intimacy. Social media, with its curated highlight reels, can be a significant trigger, amplifying feelings of missing out or not being loved enough.

• Attachment Connection: This style aligns closely with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Individuals with this style crave closeness and validation, often fearing abandonment and seeking constant reassurance. They may be highly sensitive to perceived slights or distance in relationships.
• Trigger Avoidance: Avoid excessive social media scrolling, which can amplify feelings of isolation and inadequacy.
• Stress Reduction: Prioritize real-life connections: schedule phone calls, coffee dates, or send voice and video messages to foster meaningful interactions.
• Quick Tip: Aim for at least one meaningful in-person or direct communication connection daily, spending at least 20 minutes with someone you like and trust.

Fighters

Fighters embrace challenges and thrive in environments that require them to be resilient and strong. They often feel most comfortable when they are actively problem-solving or overcoming obstacles. A calm, peaceful environment can feel unsettling, as they are used to being in a constant state of preparedness. They are natural warriors and protectors.

• Attachment Connection: This style can relate to a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, where individuals may unconsciously create or seek out conflict to maintain a sense of control and avoid vulnerability. It can also stem from unresolved trauma, where a constant state of vigilance becomes a learned survival mechanism.
• Trigger Avoidance: Resist the urge to jump into every problem or challenge, especially when already feeling stressed. Recognize that you are not responsible for solving everyone’s problems.
• Stress Reduction: Practice saying "no" and giving yourself permission to step back. Remember that you do not have to fight every battle.
• Quick Tip: Use phrases like, "I don't have the bandwidth for that right now" or "Let me think about it and get back to you next month

Executives

Executives value control, loyalty, and dependability. They thrive on structure, predictability, and a sense of order. They feel most secure when they are in charge of their environment and their future. When they perceive a loss of control, or when their expectations of trust and dependability are violated, they experience significant stress.

• Attachment Connection: This style can relate to a need for control that can stem from a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, where individuals may use control as a defense mechanism against vulnerability. It can also arise from past experiences of chaos or instability, where structure becomes a way to create a sense of safety.
• Trigger Avoidance: Avoid delegating important tasks when feeling overwhelmed, as it can heighten feelings of loss of control and anxiety.
• Stress Reduction: Reclaim control in one area of your life: time management, work organization, finances, or personal space.
• Quick Tip: Schedule dedicated time for organization and planning, and block out time to organize one area of your life.

Visionaries

Visionaries are driven by their big dreams and thrive on connection with like-minded individuals who understand their aspirations. They are motivated by the pursuit of their goals and can become stressed by perceived setbacks, delays, or a lack of progress. The pressure of achieving perfection can also be a significant source of anxiety.

• Attachment Connection: While less directly tied to a specific attachment style, this style can be amplified by underlying feelings of insecurity or a fear of failure, which can be present in any attachment style. The desire for external validation of their vision can also play a role.
• Trigger Avoidance: Avoid perfectionism and the paralysis of waiting for the "perfect" moment to act. Recognize that progress is made through imperfect steps.
• Stress Reduction: Take small, imperfect steps towards your goals, celebrating each small victory.
• Quick Tip: Do one small, aligned action daily to move your dream forward, such as sending an email, posting an ad, or applying for a class.

Dynamos

Dynamos thrive on accomplishment, productivity, and recognition. They feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment when they are making progress and receiving accolades for their efforts. They can become stressed when they perceive a lack of progress, when their efforts go unnoticed, or when they feel overwhelmed by endless, unrewarding tasks.

• Attachment Connection: This can relate to a need for external validation, which can be a component of an anxious attachment style, or a learned behavior relating to childhood reinforcement. The desire for recognition can also stem from a need to feel valued and appreciated.
• Trigger Avoidance: Avoid focusing solely on tasks that feel like endless chores, as this can lead to burnout and resentment.
• Stress Reduction: Incorporate enjoyable and fulfilling activities into your to-do list, and prioritize tasks that bring you joy.
• Quick Tip: Use hearts or other positive symbols to mark enjoyable tasks on your to-do list, and aim to accomplish at least one of these tasks each day.