Relationship goals for the New Year

What do you resolve for your relationship next year? More sex? Less squabbling? Sounds good to me. But here are a few more tough-but-toast-worthy goals to add to your 2014 resolution scorecard.

I will learn to laugh at my imperfections — because, when I do so, I’m more likely to chuckle at my partner’s, too. Tolerance: It’s catching.

I will not try to win every argument.

That’s right — you heard me. For every winner there’s a loser, and that’s not a good formula. Instead of trying to be right, I will try to find the right solution to the problem at hand.

I will not make cutting gibes or jokes at my partner’s expense. A cleverly timed taunt about his “sloth-like tendencies” or “stuck-in-the-80s-style” may earn laughs from others, but sarcasm, even thinly veiled with humour, still stings.

I will talk less and listen more.

I will observe some respectful ground rules when arguing with my spouse: I’ll avoid blaming, shaming and name-calling — and I’ll take a timeout if I’m unable to do any of the aforementioned.

I will not point out my partner’s imperfections in the guise of “trying to be honest” when really I’m trying to be superior.

I will not make my partner responsible for my happiness. That’s my job. Expecting your spouse to be the answer to your every prayer isn’t a marriage — it’s a cop-out. And for your spouse, it’s a life sentence.

I will not put the children in the middle of disputes or use them to sidestep sticky spousal situations.

I will go on more date nights!

I will see as many positives as negatives in my partner and in our relationship.

As a rule, aim for a ratio of five positives for every one negative. Every day.

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Our relationship columnist, Liza Finlay, suggests adding these 10 "tough-but-toast-worthy" relationship goals to your 2014 resolutions.