“What,” my husband moaned miserably, overwhelmed by the momentous task before him, “do you want for your birthday?”
“What do you want for your birthday?” my sister emailed me.
“What do you want for your birthday?” my best friend asked me.
“Gah!” said my 18-month-old Ben. “Birthday?”
I didn’t know how to tell them that what I really wanted wasn’t some precious fridge art, or world peace, or a dinner at one of the places I’ve only read about since I’ve had a kid. What I really wanted was a contribution to my Botox fund. Yes world, I recently turned the big, bad, time-for-“relaxed fit” jeans 4-0, and I thought it appropriate—nay, necessary, in a mid-life-crisis kind of way—that I get some Botox to celebrate. From moi to moi, an iconic gift of no smile lines (smiling is for 35-year-olds!) or frowny wrinkles.
Like most newish moms, I’ve spent the last two years buying cute things for Ben. He’s had the statement pieces for his 2012 fall wardrobe since 1978. Yet I trail around behind him like Pig Pen in stretched-out leggings and a maternity shirt. My turn, my turn, I say!
I celebrate the moment with Dr. Diane Wong, the owner of Glow Medi Spa in Toronto’s shmancy Yorkville hood. As soon as I walk into the serene, chic joint I can hear the walls whispering: Come to us…you are young…you don’t have yogurt on your shoulder...your husband finds your postpartum belly incredibly sexy.
Botox and other age-defying feats are serious biz here. They start by taking about 67 pictures of my face from every angle, then I have a long consultation with Wong, a mom of two herself who, of course, looks like she’s never witnessed a daycare drop-off meltdown in her life. She doesn’t want me walking out of her office looking like a frozen Desperate Housewife. “Just…refreshed,” she smiles. “A lot of women don’t tell their husbands.”
Refreshed it is! (The cost of refreshment? Starts at about $300 and goes up from there depending on how deep your wrinks are and which areas of your face you want to deal with). Does it hurt? Lady, if you’ve ever had a wax, or, like, a baby, this is a love tickle. The needles are small and the whole injection process takes under 10 minutes.
It takes about three days for the Botox to “set,” and if I do say so myself, I look frickin’ fantastic. It’s like being 38-and-a-half all over again.
Keep up with your baby's development, get the latest parenting content and receive special offers from our partners