Stop telling me to freeze my eggs! I mean it.
And while you’re at it, stop telling me my fertility is about to take a dive bomb now that I’m on the wrong side of 30.
The clock might be ticking, but I don’t need regular Dooms Day reminders by way of writers lamenting, “I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO FREEZE MY EGGS…” (Maclean’s Magazine, “Thirty-Seven and Counting”), or being “locked out of motherhood” (The Atlantic, “Delayed Childbearing”).
There’s an icy subtext to all these stories: “Hurry up or be barren!” Which is just the type of fear mongering that causes panicked women to bring up baby carriages on a second date (yes, sigh, I’ve done that).
What ever happened to having “loads of time”? Try telling that to a thirty-something women with baby on the brain. She’ll nod politely while she mentally hyperventilates. (“Just breathe! You’re fine. You’ll be popping babies out like Tori Spelling in no time.”)
My personal situation obviously heightens the paranoia about my baby-making powers. After an operation to remove cervical cancer, I might face some fertility challenges. MIGHT. But thanks to study upon study toting the dwindling childbearing age (The Globe and Mail, “The clock is ticking: Female fertility declines earlier than you think“) and other foes of fertility, that MIGHT carries way more weight than it should.
“Don’t die before your dead,” says our managing editor Nadine Silverthorne (sage advice from her friend Theresa Albert). So how do you tune out heart-wrenching stories that begin with “Brigitte Adams always wanted to have kids one day…” and end in scary stats that send you to Google in search of sperm banks and fertility clinics (yes, I’ve done that, too)?
Earlier this week I decided I need to stop living in fear of infertility. Some of those medical stats might pertain to me, but until I know there’s an actual issue, I need to stop buying into all this — dare I call it — procreation propaganda. Yes, the stats are probably true and the medical advice is worthwhile, but I probably don’t need it crammed down my throat. And I would suspect that other women caught up in the biological clock countdown feel the same way.
Do you worry about fertility or secondary infertility?