How To Apply The "Let Them" Theory To Parenting

For months, everyone has been buzzing about superstar self-help guru Mel Robbins’ book, The Let Them Theory. It’s a step-by-step guide on how to let go of the exhausting cycle of trying to change and manage the people around you and stop allowing their ideas to direct your life. Let Them is not designed to be a tool for parents, but you know who needs to tune out unsolicited advice, opinions and drama more than anyone else I know? Moms.

What makes the theory resonate is its practicality: it isn’t about ignoring people or pretending not to care, but about choosing where to put your energy. Robbins gives readers a simple mantra—Let Them—that helps reframe stressful moments and reminds us that stepping back isn’t weakness, it’s a conscious decision to protect your own peace.

No wonder almost everyone I know has got a well-worn copy. “I think it speaks very clearly to the exhaustion that a lot of us feel from over-functioning—especially parents who try to manage everything in today’s high-pressure culture,” says Dr. Nina Mafrici, a psychologist and co-founder of Toronto Psychology & Wellness Group. “Let Them offers permission to let go, take a step back, and focus on what’s within our control.”

Let other parents judge

Letting go of what’s not within your power—like your mother-in-law’s disapproval about extended breastfeeding, the man at the grocery store judging your toddler’s meltdown in the produce aisle, or whatever the PTA moms might be gossiping about—is a refreshing idea. And it has a tremendous ripple effect, says Mafrici, because it reduces anxiety, lessens reactivity to others, and helps to lessen people pleasing, which can become detrimental to our emotional well-being.

The fact is, one way or another, your parenting will be judged. But it’s also a fact that nobody else is raising your kids but you (and your partner). “These judgements around us are just noise. They don’t define us as parents or individuals,” says Mafrici. And we can’t influence what anybody else thinks, says, or does.

Still, it can be hard to hear, if you didn’t co-sleep, your child wouldn’t have attachment issues, or why are you still keeping your toddler in a rear-facing car seat? It’s one thing to Let Them, and another not to care that they are saying it. “We are human beings, so we do care, but it’s about not allowing that to define how we feel or act,” says Mafrici. And that takes practice.

Let kids (where possible)

The concept translates well into connecting with our kids, too, says Mafrici. So, your child wants to wear the same superhero shirt for the third day in a row? Let them. Bluey is the only show being played on repeat in your house right now, despite your subscription to three other streaming services with hundreds of options? Let them. Your little one is convinced that apples taste better chopped into rings instead of slices, and requests them this way every time? Let them.

“When we apply Let Them Theory, it allows us to reduce some of the power struggles that we typically get into with our kids, especially as they get older and are seeking more independence,” says Mafrici. As long as their health and safety are not in danger, it can be freeing for parents and empowering for kids to have permission to make more decisions. “It helps us as parents to step out of that emotional overdrive where we find ourselves micromanaging,” says Mafrici. It permits us to slow down, think about things more pragmatically and take our kids’ feelings and opinions into consideration, she says.

“We’re living in a world that’s filled with comparison and unsolicited advice, and Let Them really offers this protective shield from the emotional overwhelm that disrupts our ability to connect with what really matters, which is the parent-child connection,” says Mafrici.

Let me

Once you quiet the background chatter of other people’s opinions, you’ll be able to hear yourself better. And this can be empowering. “Let Me is essentially the most important part of this,” says Mafrici. It’s about exercising power over the things in your life that are yours to control. As a parent, this can translate to Let Me set a boundary around screen time or Let Me say no to another party invitation this weekend for my kid. It can mean taking a break from relationships that drain you, prioritizing self-care, and practicing saying ‘no.’

But choosing to Let Me doesn’t have to just be about turning people away or turning things down—it can be about allowing more in. Let me accept more help is one I could definitely use some practice with.