I love singing to the kids in my life, I really do. But there are some songs that I’d be thrilled to never hear ever again.
1. Counting songs
This isn’t so much a specific song as a whole category of songs that involve numbers. I used to love counting songs because they can go on endlessly, meaning I could keep rocking that sweet babe to sleep for as long as I want. The ants could go marching 122 by 122 as long as I could keep smelling that sweet baby smell and holding those teeny fingers. But then that baby grew up and learned to say “again.” So the ants keep marching 122 by 122 (and 123, and 124, and 125) and I have dark thoughts of stepping on all those bugs.
2. Holiday songs that are very out of season
Listen, I love a good Christmas carol. Truly, I do. And I will happily sing them a million times with the kids. But the problem is that kids have no concept of seasons. So they think Christmas carols are perfectly appropriate year ’round. I am abso-freakin-lutely sure Frosty is not a jolly, happy soul in the middle of July, but sure, let’s sing about him while we walk to the ice cream truck. Great idea, kid!
3. “Baby Shark”
I actually quite enjoy this cheerful tune, but it’s worse than an earworm. It gets stuck in your head and WILL NEVER LEAVE. If you’ve never heard of it, do not click here to listen to it. Seriously, don’t. Do you hear me? You will regret it. I frequently find myself walking down the street singing, “Doo doo, doo doo doo doo,” and wondering what has happened to my life. On a particularly horrible day, I found myself giving a work presentation where I promptly forgot everything, except this song. But don’t worry, I also remembered the dance that went with it.
4. “The Good Morning Train”
I used to think singing this song would be a sweet way to start each morning—hello Instagram-worthy moment. Plus, with only three people in the house, it would only take three minutes to do and then our day could start. I was very wrong. Because apparently, the Good Morning Train must greet every person the kid has every met, plus all the stuffed animals and each kid from daycare (even the ones whose names we can’t remember—sorry to those kids). Now we are officially late and this moment is definitely no longer Insta-worthy. Hurry, everyone find some pants STAT because we gotta go.
5. Anything with rhymes
I like to think I’m a good rhymer—I am a writer, after all. But when the pressure is on (a.k.a. when we are singing a song and a random animal is thrown at me), I flounder. Down by the bay, there is apparently a whale going to jail. Yep, I always seem to pick the most inappropriate rhymes for a kid. But I just keep singing and hope they don’t notice until the next animal comes at me… Oh sh*t, what rhymes with tiger?
6. “Let It Go”
7. The Bubble Guppies theme song
I feel like it’s not even fair to call this a song because it’s basically just the same two words repeated over and over again, but at an increasingly louder volume. It’s really quite aggressive. Truly, the last thing anyone needs is kids being encouraged to be louder, with some clapping thrown in for good measure. I have some serious beef with the creators of the Bubble Guppies theme song (and I’m coming for the show creators next).
8. Finger family songs
There is a finger family song for basically everything. Holidays, cakes, fruits, superheroes, dinosaurs, monkeys and more. It’s a little much. And it means that your kid can end up watching 30 minutes of endless songs about freakin’ fingers (thanks a lot YouTube). It also means, on particularly bad days, you say something you never thought you would say: “Can you please watch something else?! I just need 20 minutes without fingers in my life.”
OK, now I turn things over to you. Which kids’ songs can you just not stand? I can’t wait to hear them…and by that I mean read what the songs are and never ever listen to those songs again.
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