A Stranger Thought I Was Kidnapping My Mid-Tantrum Child

After a long trip from Ottawa to Halifax, all I wanted was to relax and start our vacation, but we needed breakfast supplies, milk, and snacks for our two-and-a-half-year-old, who had just hit a growth spurt. While my husband ran into the beer store, I planned a quick grocery run. Instead, I found myself circling the unfamiliar aisles, struggling to find the basics.

My son suddenly spotted a plastic toy sword and began begging for it. I shook my head no, juggling a jug of milk in one hand and a pack of croissants in the other, while scanning for his favourite snack. Then, like a switch flipped, he dropped to the floor and began screaming, flailing, and kicking.

The tantrum I couldn't defuse

I tried to stay calm and used every gentle parenting strategy I could think of: I validated his feelings, offered a snack, I even asked if he wanted a cuddle. He screamed louder, tossed the snack across the aisle, and kicked away from me. My arms were aching, we were late to meet my husband, and I could feel myself starting to unravel.

I felt the stares of strangers and a prickling sense of shame that I was doing something wrong, that I was failing as a mom. Eventually, I put my groceries down on the floor, mouthed sorry to a store employee who would have to clean up after us and rolled my son up under my arm like a wriggling carpet.

As I made my way to the exit, he wailed and kicked even more, and that’s when a concerned stranger stopped me and asked suspiciously, “Is he yours?” The implication stung. I nodded silently as my eyes stung with tears to match my sons.

Outside, we met up with my husband, who looked bemused by the drama he'd just missed. In the back seat, my son curled into me, slowly calming down as he nibbled on a cracker. Between hiccuping sobs and deep breaths, his body finally gave in, and he drifted into a heavy sleep.

Then it was my turn to have a cry as the humiliation, judgment, and panic bubbled up. I couldn’t connect with my little one and help him through the moment with an audience, especially a hostile one. Removing him from the public glare gave us both the space we needed so that once the storm passed, we could connect.

What to do when your usual parenting practices fail

Peaceful Parenting Coach, Sarah Rosensweet shares strategies for staying grounded when meltdowns take over.

Even the most committed, gentle parents can find themselves flustered when a toddler has a public meltdown. Whether it’s in the cereal aisle or a restaurant booth, those moments can shake your confidence. Sarah Rosensweet says the first step is to shift your focus inward.

Begin with self-compassion

“It’s normal to feel embarrassed,” she says. “Remind yourself not to feel shame about it. You're a worthy, lovable, good person, even if your child is having this meltdown.”
She encourages parents to talk to themselves with kindness in these high-pressure situations, as a way of staying calm and centred.

Tune out the audience

It can be hard to ignore the stares of strangers, but Rosensweet reminds us that our responsibility isn’t to onlookers, it’s to our children. “Your loyalty lies with your child and not to the other people who are shopping at the store or who are working there.” After all, you’ll likely never see them again, anyway!

Handle the moment with love

As a parent, you might hesitate to physically remove your child for fear that it conflicts with gentle parenting principles. Rosensweet reassures that it’s not about what you do, but how you do it. “You can do it in a mean way, with anger, or you can do it lovingly: ‘You know what? I think this is just too much. Let's go outside,’” she says. It’s okay to create a boundary or leave a space as long as it’s done with empathy and calm.

Empathy is the foundation

When a tantrum hits, it's easy to see it as defiance. But Rosensweet encourages parents to look deeper. “Remind yourself they're having a hard time, not giving you a hard time,” she explains. This shift in perspective can help parents respond with compassion rather than control.

How to avoid future flashpoints

Of course, not every meltdown can be prevented, but some can. In this instance, my son was tired from a day of travel, perhaps a little hungry and with hindsight, it would have made more sense for one parent to stay back and play with him while the other one did the groceries.

Rosensweet advises parents to be proactive and realistic about what their child can handle.

“Take stock of your child's capacity,” she suggests. “Maybe you ask yourself, ‘Can I do this errand on my own? Do I really have to put my child in this position?” Planning around your child’s energy levels and emotional bandwidth isn’t giving in; it’s smart, respectful parenting.