Hollywood's funniest parents

"We've thought about the [baby] name quite a bit. Conquistador. What do you think? I didn't want to go with one of those Hollywood weird names. Conquistador is a statement."

— Steve Martin, on The Late Show with David Letterman, April 2013

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“They're boys, so they're kind of crazy. When mothers come over with daughters and we have playdates, my house is a little crazy. Everyone’s kind of running around, jumping off furniture. They’ll bring their daughters over, and the daughters will be like, ‘Should we sit in the corner and cooperate?’ and my guys will be like, ‘I made chocolate soup!’ And they’ll just make dirt soup; the girls are making, like, a birdhouse out of organic materials.”

— Amy Poehler on The Ellen Show, September 12, 2012

"I'm trying to do the right thing. With the amount of money I have it's difficult raising children the way that I was raised, but I took away the west and north wing of the house from those guys. So they're not allowed in there."

"One thing that I do know about being a parent is that you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot."

— Adam Sandler, interview with Teen Hollywood

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“‘How do you juggle it all?’ people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. ‘You’re screwing it all up, aren’t you?’ their eyes say. My standard answer is that I have the same struggle as any working parent but with the good fortune to be working at my dream job. Or sometimes I just hand them a juicy red apple I’ve poisoned in my working-mother witch cauldron and fly away.”

— Tina Fey, in her article for the New Yorker, "Confessions of a Juggler"

"It's amazing how we forget. It's like that light pen thing they do in Men in Black. Somebody [pointed] and I was like, 'I don't know what you're talking about.'"

— Maya Rudolph on being pregnant a fourth time (after saying she'd never do it again), in an interview on The Ellen Show, April 2013

Read more: Who's pregnant in Hollywood>

“I try to get out of the house without macaroni and cheese [on]. I wait till the last second to get dressed because I have to avoid the little kid hands down me.”

— Melissa McCarthy on getting ready for red-carpet events, in an interview with SheKnows.com

"As I'm flying over on the plane, Maple figured out how to make a really loud noise with her mouth. She started going 'Ah, ah' like a bird. It was the weirdest thing. All the other passengers are looking at me. All the headphones went on…. And I thought to myself, 'Why did I do this?' It's a two-day trip and I always want to bring them. It's just so fun. There's room service."

— Jason Bateman on flying with kids, via USA Today

Read more: Celebrity baby names: What do you think of "Maple Bateman"?

"She has cats, and I accidentally left the window open and she couldn't find her cats. She comes up to me and says, 'Daddy, did you leave the window open in the library?' and I said, 'Yes sweetie, I'm sorry.' And she said, 'I cannot believe you'd be so irresponsible!' I was crushed, I was devastated. I was like, 'We'll find your cats baby!' I was on the phone, 'I need people to call the president, get some helicopters to find Willow's cats!'"

— Will Smith on the guilt he felt for losing his daughter Willow's cats (later found safe!), on the UK TV show Lorraine

“Everybody said, ‘You’re going to look into their eyes and you’re never going to feel love burst forth like you feel…. I’m like, not so much."

— Neil Patrick Harris, on The Talk, October 2010

Read more: Celebrity parents of multiples>

"I talk to [Sadie] in silly voices. She loves it when I imitate a monkey — she starts imitating a monkey, too. Every day there’s something different that she thinks is hysterical. And you try to use it again and again, but then by the third time, she doesn’t find it funny anymore. So we’re constantly trying to invent new ways to make her laugh…. Sadie is a much harder critic than the public."

— Christina Applegate, interview with Scholastic's Parent and Child Magazine

"My children are magical creatures and I love them to death. But it is challenging. It takes a lot of energy. When you get home from work you need to spend time with them — you can't just go and work on the computer. You need to give them your attention and listen to them and play their games, and those crazy pretending games take a lot of energy."

— Jack Black, via The Guardian

"I think it's a sign of the times. [Parenting] is a challenge for a lot of people, but yeah certainly it was for me."

"[My] pure joy though, honestly. He hasn't been squashed by anything, so he comes into a room and he knows you want to see him. There's no one that doesn't want to see him, and it's a wonderful energy — it's love's ripple, kind of nice."

— Jim Carrey on parenting and grandparenting, via Hello! Magazine

Read more: Celebrity grandparents (who knew?!)