Parenting

5 baby items we couldn't wait to get out of our lives

Ian goes through his basement to decide which old baby items should stay — and which ones have to go.

The ExerSaucer. Photo by joesuspense via Flickr.

The end of May is the height of garage sale season here in Canada.

We have an annual tradition of my wife asking me to get rid of my original Nintendo system, which gathers dust in the basement along with her rollerblades from 1997. I’m pretty sure one of us owns a Sony Discman that’s buried down there, but we have an unspoken understanding that it’s never to be brought up in conversation.

While we are generally slow at getting rid of our stuff from the 1990s (possibly because it’s the last time we actually felt alive), we did agree that it was time to part with all of our baby gear.

If you hang onto that baby stuff for too long, one of two things tend to happen:

1. You justify having another child because you’ve got all the stuff anyway.

2. Your stuff becomes so old and outdated, that nobody wants to take it off your hands. “Hey Gary, thanks for the offer on the Teletubbies electric blanket. We’ll definitely keep it in mind.”

So in this week’s column I wanted to discuss the five baby items we couldn’t wait to get out of our lives.

1. The car seat
I know you can’t re-sell a car seat at a garage sale because, if you do, you may as well be involved in a black market passport ring. But there is no better feeling than getting rid of that stupid, overweight bucket car seat. It’s fine when your newborn weighs seven pounds and you strut out of the hospital on cloud nine. But six months later, when that same baby weighs 25 pounds, you’re convinced that carrying a car seat should be an Olympic sport that is only fit for Eastern European bodybuilders. It’s so heavy to carry, that on a simple walk from the parking lot to the grocery store, you are forced to switch carrying hands a half-dozen times.

2. The ExerSaucer
When you tell a friend that you’re expecting a baby, you should be a little concerned when the first words out of their mouth are, “You have to take my ExerSaucer.” The ExerSaucer is the greatest invention ever — until your baby realizes they are being neglected in a circular prison that is lined with squeaky toys. It usually takes a baby three weeks to clue-in to the trap of the ExerSaucer. After that, the ExerSaucer is moved to the corner of the basement — right next to the Nintendo and the rollerblades.

3. The stroller
The biggest issue I had with the stroller was: Where do you keep it? Bringing a stroller inside the house clogs up the entrance way. Leaving it in the trunk of the car is an option — until you realize your spouse drove off with that vehicle. You could place it in the garage, but most people have an area of six inches between their car and the garage wall. And leaving it on your front porch is an eyesore that is sure to dramatically drop the real estate value of homes in your neighbourhood.

4. Playpen
The playpen created the illusion that you could take your child anywhere for a nap. In reality, your baby probably resisted going into the playpen like a cat going into a bath.

5. Diaper bag
Each outing with a baby is like packing for a mini adventure, so people aren’t sure if you’re headed to the mall or for an expedition up Everest. You have to make sure you have diapers, wipes, cream, snacks, soothers, hand sanitizer, a change pad, a change of clothes, a plastic bag for potentially soiled clothes and possibly a hip flask of rum.

What baby items were you looking forward to getting out of your life?

Photo by joesuspense via Flickr.