26 Questions To Ask Your Kids That Will Build Connection

We often ask our kids basic questions about how their day was, with mixed results. If you're lucky, you'll get more than a one-word answer. Or, if your kids are having a hard time (read: being difficult), you might ask as calmly as possible, "What's wrong?".

Why asking the right questions matters

But what if we could get inside that growing brain—or get ahead of that tantrum by asking the right questions? Kids of all ages actually want to connect with us. Whether you have a chatty preschooler or a quiet teen, having regular moments to check can strengthen your relationship.

Having open and honest conversations where kids don't feel judged or pressured can also build trust, which means they'll be more likely to open up in the future. Most importantly, these talks help kids name their feelings, process their experiences and strengthen communication skills.

Get the timing right

You don't need to book a family meeting or plan a serious sit-down talk. It's best to ask these open-ended questions during daily routines. Casually pop these into conversation when you're brushing your teeth together (don't forget to get them to spit first), eating breakfast or dinner or winding down before bed. Car conversations can be great with teens because direct eye contact isn't possible, so they feel less pressured.

We asked registered social worker and founder of Peachey Counselling, Stefanie Peachey, for great questions to open up conversations with your kids. There are questions for every age, and Peachey highlights how each stage calls for a different kind of connection—from playful feelings in preschoolers to deeper emotional insight in teens.

Before using these questions, consider Peachey's tips:

• Ask during relaxed, non-pressured moments
• Accept silence. Sometimes a child needs time to respond or simply feel safe
• Validate whatever they share without immediately trying to “fix” it
• Use body language that conveys care and curiosity, not interrogation

Ages 3–5

Focus: Help kids identify their feelings, build connection and express themselves playfully.

• “What was your favourite part of the day today?”
• “Did anything make you feel sad or mad today?”
• “If your feelings were animals, what would they be right now?”
• “What made your heart feel happy today?”
• “Is there anything you want me to know about today?”
• “When you feel worried, what helps your body feel better?”

Ages 6–9

Focus: Guide kids in growing their emotional awareness, understanding friendships, and sharing what matters to them.

• “What was something surprising that happened today?”
• “If today were a colour, what colour would it be? Why?”
• “Who did you enjoy spending time with today?”
• “What’s something you wish grown-ups understood about kids?”
• “What’s the hardest part of your day at school?”
• “If you had a magic wand, what would you change about your day?”
• “Is there anything you were thinking about before falling asleep last night?”

Ages 10–13

Focus: Support tweens as they explore their identity, navigate peer dynamics, and manage big emotions.

• “What’s something you wish you could talk about but don’t know how to start?”
• “Have you felt proud of yourself recently? What happened?”
• “If something is bothering you, how do you usually handle it?”
• “What do you need more of from me these days?”
• “If you could pause time, what moment would you stay in a little longer?”
• “Is there anything I can do differently to help you?”

Ages 14–17

Focus: Encourage teens to reflect, open up about their inner world, and confidently grow into their independence.

• “What’s been on your mind the most lately?”
• “How do you know when you’re overwhelmed? What helps?”
• “What’s something people get wrong about you?”
• “When do you feel most supported by your friends—or by me?”
• “What’s something you wish you didn’t have to deal with right now?”
• “Are there any parts of your life that feel heavy or confusing?”
• “If I could show up for you in a better way, what would that look like?"