10 reasons I need to have "the talk" with my kids

1. I purchased a book to help us navigate through this discussion but my eight-year-old stated upfront, “Pass. I know how my body works. I’ll just look at the pictures.”

2. My six-year-old asked, “Mom is it true a baby comes out of your belly button?”

3. Six-year-old calling after me, “My friend told me you have an egg in your uterus and then you lay the egg out of your vagina.”

4. My eight-year-old, “If we were in your tummy, how do you know there aren’t other babies in there waiting to come out?” I hope there aren’t any I don’t know about, but it really seemed as though she knew something I didn’t.

5. “Why is it inappropriate for girls to walk around on a hot day without a shirt on but Daddy can cut the grass without his?” I understand their confusion given my husband and I have the same cup size.

6. I overheard the six-year-old tell the two-year-old, “Maybe next time Mommy will have a baby boy.” So for a week, every time the two-year-old passed my belly, she would pat it and say, “Hey brother.”

7. “Mommy, you know the song, ‘I kissed a girl and I liked her chapstick because it was made out of cherries?’ Why would she like it if she kissed chapstick? The cherries?”

8. The girls assume they have known each other not for as many years as they’ve been alive, but for as many years as I’ve been alive (37), because they’ve always been in my belly, just waiting to hatch until I was married. Maybe that’s where they learned to be such good UNO players?

9. My eight-year-old asked if I would buy her a bra, “Not to wear, to store collections like pennies or erasers.”

10. As much as I think we’re all ready to have “the talk” they’ll spot someone getting a peck on the cheek in public and they’ll melt to the ground moaning, “The horror, the horror.”