Why More Women Are Choosing Motherhood After 40 And Loving It

For decades, if you had a baby at 40 or older, it was probably a "surprise", but with medical advances and changing priorities, the number of older women giving birth is increasing. According to Motherly, in 2023, women aged 40 and older accounted for 4.1 percent of all births, a significant increase from just 1.2 percent in 1990. And while some may balk at the idea of having children in your 40s, those who have done it say the benefits outweigh the pitfalls, and the judgment they experienced was almost non-existent.

The changing landscape of maternal age

The “appropriate” age of parenting has definitely shifted in recent years. Being an over-40 mom was considered unusual and even dangerous in the past, but today it’s more common and has fewer risks, thanks to medical advancements. A lot of parents wait to start a family once their careers are in focus, they’ve attained a certain level of financial stability, they’ve taken the time to find the right partner, or they've benefited from advancements in fertility treatments. Parenthood has become a personal choice based on circumstance, and not a deviation from a single "right" timeline.

Lindsay Matheson, who lives in Toronto, had her fourth child at 42. “My bonus baby was the best surprise, and even though I feel tired on a cellular level, he also makes me feel younger and forces me to have more energy,” she says. “The idea of him not being here feels impossible to imagine, and while I did worry about my age in the early stages of pregnancy, I almost never think about it now.”

Toronto mama Wendy Lopez had her first (and only) son at 42, and he’s five now. “I work in healthcare, and over 40 is no longer considered high risk. My pregnancy was much healthier than moms half my age, who had to get off work early, and I worked until I delivered,” she says. “I gave myself a deadline of 44 because of increasing risks, and I get a lot of praise for being so active with my son and doing a lot with him despite my age.”

The strengths of parenting at 40+

One thing these over-40 moms agreed on: there were a lot more advantages to having a child later in life than there were disadvantages. From financial stability to a calmer, more carefree approach to parenting, they all universally praised the perks of being more seasoned. “I am at the top of my pay scale, I had a good, healthy savings account, my EI was at the max, and I had already travelled the world and did everything I wanted to do while single and with my partner,” Lopez says.

“I had time to mature emotionally and recover from some of my own family trauma before starting my own family,” says Chelsea McCormick of Ottawa, who gave birth to her fourth just after she turned 40. “It's not perfect, but I'm certainly in a better mental place to parent in my 40s than I was in my 20s.”

Matheson added, “I am much more laid-back now, and because I have three older kids, I was able to truly appreciate how quickly all the stages would go and so I was less mired down in the small stuff and able (for the most part) to embrace having a newborn and then baby and now toddler.

Lopez adds that she's mature enough to know what works for her family and to ignore the rest. "As an older mom, I do not follow social media for parenting advice, and I think this is a good thing. I am not influenced or shamed, and I don’t go down a rabbit hole of different parenting styles or methods. I did what worked for me and my son, and we are all happy and healthy.”

Build a supportive community

Start by finding a doctor you trust and who makes you feel good about your choices. “I found the medical terminology to be irritating: geriatric pregnancy, advanced maternal age. So it was important to me to have an OB who was informed and supportive, no matter what their patient's age,” says McCormick.

Socially, look for those who want to embrace and support you. You can find parenting groups that meet up in person or virtually. And by 40, you have an established network of family and friends. Lean on them. That’s what they’re there for.

Lopez was able to connect with moms of all ages: “I met mom friends who were my age and younger. I did relate more to the older moms, but still had no problem meeting younger moms at the park.”

Kelly Aizicowitz Entine had her daughter when she was 42 and found her friends to be a great source of support. “I had a group of people who had ‘been there.’ In the early days, when I was trying to establish a feeding method and schedule, it was nice to talk to my friends about that.”

Despite having friends who had experience and time to help, Entine still felt a bit isolated. “I had my daughter during COVID, so it was a very isolating time,” she explains. “Once the spring and summer came around, it took a few ‘Facebook dates’ to find people who I really connected with, and it was nice. Funnily, two of my closest mom friends were in the same circumstance as me, having their kids after 40.”

Matheson says, "Most of my friends were well done having kids, so when the baby was born, they were so eager to help, make meals, watch him, and take my other kids so I could have time with just the baby.”

Reclaiming your parenting narrative

Parenting is about focusing on your family's happiness, no matter your age. McCormick points out, “Focus on the advantages you have over someone having their child in their 20s: you probably have more financial stability and job security, and a community where you've put down roots and built a support network of peers and family. You likely have a better sense of who you are as a person, what's important to you, what your strengths are, and where you need to get support. Understanding that is a critical part of parenting, because your sweet cherub will eventually push all your buttons no matter your age!”