Photo by Jonathan Shensa / PR Photos
At the time, I thought I had it all together. Sure, people told me I was a freak. Friends had bets on how long it would last. My family was worried I wouldn't go to university. But I thought they were just being judgmental and overly concerned. After all, I was a typical 20-nothing who was convinced she knew exactly what she was doing. Ha!
I realize now that I missed out on a lot. We got married the week before I started university. (I was on my honeymoon when I should have been at my frosh week.) My fellow students weren't quite sure how to relate to me. They were discovering themselves and making new friends while I was having dinner parties and joining book clubs. Trying to figure yourself out is hard enough, but trying to do that within a marriage is pretty much impossible.
I also got married for all the wrong reasons. I had an incredibly low self-esteem. I thought my ex would be the only one who would ever want to marry me, so I felt I had to jump at the chance. If I didn't I was doomed to spend the rest of my life as a miserable spinster. I also had a ton of unresolved issues from my family (but that's a whole other blog).
Do I regret any of it? No. I can't change my past, and I wouldn't have my daughter without that marriage. I also wouldn't be whom I am today.
Now 36, I'm getting married again in a few months. I have to say, it is a much, much different experience this time. I would have thought that having kids and more life experience would complicate matters. But I'm more confident and comfortable in my skin now. I think I'm a better life partner, too. And I now know I'm just fine on my own! I just happened to find an amazing, strong, kind and hilarious partner whom I want to grow old and crotchety with.
I wonder if Scarlett will agree with me if she ties the knot again?
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