Why I Let My Kids Talk To Strangers (Sometimes)

When my ten-year-old called a camp friend’s landline—a retro trend I genuinely love—her friend’s parents answered. She froze and hung up. She’s a confident kid, but introducing herself voice-to-voice, without the safety net of a screen, paralyzed her. My generation had to call our friends’ homes and deal with the awkward parent conversations—good social practice we never realized we were getting.

But somewhere along the way, we stopped practicing. In an effort to keep children safe, we might have overcorrected. I interviewed Lenore Skenazy, President of Let Grow and author of Free-Range Kids, who has spent years pushing back on fear-based parenting and encouraging kids to build real-world confidence. She told me something that stayed with me:

“Teaching kids that the world is dangerous, evil and scary does not do them any favours. Kids brought up with that belief—versus the belief that people are basically good and can be trusted—do worse in life. Parents think they are protecting their kids by training them to be suspicious and fearful. Instead, those kids end up having worse jobs, relationships, health and lives.”

Skenazy also talks about this in a short TED Instagram video on stranger danger, where she explains how trusting the people around us—and modelling that trust—helps communities feel lighter, safer and more connected.

Try this: Ask your child, “Can you tell the barista what you want?” (We order a kids’ cappuccino—just steamed milk.) Forget about forcing them to say “please.” Just let them enjoy the tiny thrill of doing it themselves.

Why a stranger can be the highlight of your day

Sometimes a stranger’s kindness lands exactly when you need it. Once, when I had a migraine and a baby at home, I dragged myself to the store. A woman overheard me mention I had four kids and said, “I just want to say—you seem like a fantastic mom. That’s a lot to juggle.” Another time, on my first day back at work after parental leave, someone on the subway complimented my pants. Tiny, forgettable moments to them. But they made me feel seen.

Research from the University of Chicago shows that even brief chats with strangers boost mood and belonging. Other studies suggest these tiny interactions may even set off the same bonding chemistry we see with babies, including more oxytocin and lower stress.

I spoke with Dr. Elizabeth Dunn, a psychology professor at UBC whose work looks at how everyday social interactions shape our happiness and sense of connection. She notes that, “Even a quick chat with a stranger, like a barista, can lift your mood more than you’d expect. People often feel more connected to their community after these tiny exchanges—even though they rarely anticipate that boost.”

A friend told me her eight-year-old son cringes every time she talks to someone on the street. It made me realize how many kids see friendliness as unusual. But every small exchange—a joke, a smile, an observation, is a glimpse of shared humanity.

Try this: Let your child simply watch you connect with another adult at school pick-up. Skip the automatic “How are you?” and go for a low-pressure question that opens things up. I’ll often ask, “Have you watched anything good lately? I need a new show,” or “What fun things are you guys up to these days?” It ignites an actual conversation without putting your child on the spot.

When being real matters more than being polite

My family is from Estonia, where people loathe small talk—not out of rudeness, but because they’d rather talk about something real. Meanwhile, in Canada, we say “How are you?” and “Good” nonstop—and kids can sense when those surface-level scripts are inauthentic.

When someone compliments my coat, I tell them about the Swedish reality show that inspired my knockoff. It’s unexpected and quirky, and it infuses a bit of levity into everyone’s day. It demonstrates to my kids that you don’t have to be proper (lean into the awkwardness!)—you just have to show up.

If we show them real curiosity—how to ask and answer questions because they want to, not because they’re supposed to—they approach conversations with less anxiety.

Try this: If you’re craving that 1980s childhood freedom but don’t know where to start, Skenazy suggests exploring the free Let Grow Independence Kit. It offers simple prompts: walk to a friend’s house, run an errand, knock on a neighbour’s door. None of it is about completing a task perfectly. It’s about giving kids a small, safe moment outside their bubble where they can try something on their own and surprise themselves with how capable they feel.

Surprisingly good things happen when we overshare and interrupt

One of my four-year-old’s friends tells anyone who crosses her path that her birthday is coming up. No one in her family is a “birthday person,” but everyone gets a kick out of her joy. Kids are incredible social glue, and sometimes they’re the ones who make it easier for adults to chat.

Sharing small bits of ourselves—a story or a random fact—is part of being human. One time, I joined a conversation at the post office about why ghosts always show up in old-timey clothes; minutes later, we were all laughing. I chime in. I offer a bit of myself. I’m genuinely curious. And that’s the kind of raw, unfiltered social magic kids need to see.

Try this: Invite your child to share one tiny detail with someone nearby. For example, “Do we want to tell them about the book we’re reading?” It’s not a performance. It’s simply a small way to connect.

How these tiny moments help kids feel like the world is safe and full of wonder

Confidence comes from exposure, not polish. When we let our kids talk to strangers (safely, openly, curiously), even those extra moments chatting with a crossing guard teach them that kindness isn’t embarrassing; it’s essential. Being seen, seeing others, and recognizing pieces of ourselves in someone else is where belonging begins.As Dr. Dunn told me, when adults feel more connected to their community after small interactions, kids likely pick up on that emotional tone too.

The world can feel heavy and dark, and sometimes we don’t realize how serious we appear in front of our kids. But those fleeting interactions—a compliment in a parking lot, a laugh after dance class, a story in the sourdough aisle—remind us there’s still magic in being vulnerable humans.

When we act like the world is full of danger, kids absorb that

Skenazy said it best: “Telling children that all strangers present danger not only leaves them defenceless, it leaves them needlessly scared. They never get to calibrate their ‘risk-o-meter’ because every stranger pings their alarm system at red alert.”

We need to show kids that most people are decent and worth knowing. There is so much light around us—people who will look up from their screens, be present, and remind our kids (and us) that the world is more approachable and entertaining than it sometimes seems.

Let’s raise kids who turn strangers into small joys—who meet the world with curiosity instead of fear, and keep our communities fuelled by friendships and wonder.