How To Talk To Kids About Making Friends Online

These days, making friends often begins—or at least grows—online for kids and teens. Sixty-two percent of Canadians ages nine to 17 have talked to someone online whom they’ve never met in person, and fifty-seven percent of teens in the U.S. have made a friend online. From chatting on social media to connecting over shared interests in games or music, young people are using the internet to meet new people and keep in touch with friends. Whether you have a toddler or a tween, preparing them for their digital social life is important.

While online friendships can be exciting and supportive, real-life connections are still important for building strong, healthy relationships. Let’s take a closer look at how parents and caregivers can help their kids navigate friendships in the digital world.

Start the conversation early and keep it going

Initiate discussions about online relationships before issues arise. As soon as your child understands what the internet is and how people use it to communicate, you should start teaching them about digital etiquette and safety. This might be as early as five years old.

Create an environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their online experiences without fear of punishment. MediaSmarts’ research shows that regular, open conversations can help your child feel supported and more likely to seek your guidance when faced with uncomfortable situations. 

Teach the hallmarks of healthy online relationships

Educate your child about the characteristics of healthy relationships, both online and offline. These include mutual respect, trust, honesty and open communication. Emphasize that no one should pressure them into sharing personal information or images, and that it's okay to set boundaries and say no. Model the idea of consent early: instead of saying “Give your grandma a hug,” for instance, ask “Would you like to give your grandma a hug?”

Help them recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships

Help your child identify warning signs of unhealthy or abusive relationships, such as: 

• Controlling behaviour, like demanding passwords or constant check-ins.
• Isolation from friends and family.
• Receiving threats or being coerced into sharing personal content.
• Experiencing humiliation or being made to feel guilty. 

It’s also important to make tweens and teens aware of the risk of exploitative online relationships. Tell them to watch out for "red flags” like people asking for photos, introducing sex or sexual topics into the conversation, asking them to move the conversation to a private online space, and asking them not to tell anyone about the relationship. (It’s also important to make sure kids know that it’s not just “strangers” they need to look out for: online predators are often people that kids already know offline, who use online spaces to speak to a child without the parent or guardian knowing.) Understanding these signs can empower your child to seek help and make informed decisions about their relationships. MediaSmarts has a tipsheet on talking about online relationships here. 

Establish a family media agreement

Collaborate with your child to create a family media agreement that outlines expectations for online behaviour. This agreement can cover topics such as screen time limits, appropriate content, privacy settings and respectful communication. Involving your child in this process fosters a sense of responsibility and encourages adherence to the agreed-upon guidelines. Find examples of online family rules on MediaSmarts’ website.

Discuss privacy and digital footprints

Teach your child about the importance of privacy and the permanence of online actions. Explain that once something is shared online, it can be difficult to remove and may be seen by unintended audiences. Encourage them to think carefully before posting or sharing content and to use privacy settings to control who can view their information. 

Address exposure to inappropriate content

Children may encounter inappropriate content online, including pornography. It's crucial to have age-appropriate conversations about such content, emphasizing that it doesn't reflect healthy relationships or realistic expectations. Provide them with accurate information and reassure them that they can come to you with questions or concerns. 

Talk to them about what they should do if they receive a sext (a nude, partially nude or sexy image) or if they are pressured to send one and encourage them to come to you for help. According to MediaSmarts’ research, nine percent of youth in grades 7 to 11 have sent a sext, but 38 percent of youth who’ve sent a sext have had it forwarded to someone else. Teach them that forwarding a sext without permission is never okay. 

Encourage critical thinking about media

Help your child develop media literacy by discussing how relationships are portrayed in media and how these portrayals may differ from real-life relationships. Encourage them to question stereotypes and unrealistic scenarios, fostering a more nuanced understanding of relationships. Check out this tipsheet to get started 

Encourage real-life connection

When possible, suggest that your child meet up with their friends in person. And if there is an argument or a breakdown in communication happening between friends, it’s always better to take the conversation offline. Suggest they try a phone call or meet up. It's easier to work out problems face-to-face than to deal with them online, where social cues like facial expressions aren’t a part of it. 

Be a role model

Demonstrate healthy online behaviour yourself. Show respect in your digital communications, maintain appropriate boundaries, and manage your screen time effectively. Your actions can serve as a powerful example for your child. 

By proactively engaging in conversations about online relationships and setting clear expectations, you can help your child navigate the digital world safely and build healthy, respectful connections.