How to Be the Cool House for Your Kids (and Why It’s Worth It)

Growing up, my brother and I often brought friends over to our house. It wasn’t until many years later at my 20-year high school reunion that I realized how much my friends liked being at my place too: “Your parents were so fun.” “You always had the best junk food.” I had no clue my calling card was having the “cool house.”

As a new mom, I decided then and there that I wanted to do the same for my son. Now he's 11 and My husband and I love inviting his friends over. We try and have fun stuff to do, and I’ll admit: I’ve carried on my mom’s tradition of having plenty of good snacks (some nutritious and some junky). We want to be the “cool house” because it will help us stay connected to our son as he grows up.

The benefits of being the cool house

It always feels good to be cool—even if your kid disagrees—but it also helps us keep tabs on our son. We always know where he is and what he’s doing. While he ventures out to neighbourhood parks with friends—which is an important part of growing up—when he’s home, he’s safe and accounted for. The cool house also offers a safe space for my tween to have fun, which we hope will reduce the temptation to engage in riskier behaviour elsewhere. Plus, when he and his buddies hang out here, we form relationships with his friends, which is even more important as he enters teenagehood.

What the experts say

Lisa Brookman is a mom, psychotherapist and the co-founder of West Island Therapy and Wellness Centre in Montreal. She says, “Creating a hub where kids can come and hang out and have this safe space where they can really be themselves is a very smart way of not only providing a nurturing safe space for kids to land and have fun but as parents, it gives us a better overview of what’s going on. This was instrumental in my having a better understanding of who my kids are.”

Brookman says the cool house won’t just benefit your kids—it can be a positive thing for their friends, too. “I was always about embracing open communication with my children as well as getting to know who their friends are and what their friends’ households looked like,” she explained. “I wanted to create a safe space for not only my child but other children as well.”

Having a comfortable home is not only valuable when your kids are growing up, Brookman says, but carries through to adulthood. “The work we do now solidifies a really beautiful relationship for the future, and that’s so important. As a parent who has been practicing this way of connecting with my children for almost 23 years, I’m reaping the benefits hugely by doing this type of parenting and creating a safe hub. My house is still the house they come to with their significant others, they are always at family dinners, we talk, and their friends reach out to me. This foundation was built 10 to 15 years ago. It’s the most amazing thing, and I owe it to providing my kids with a safe, open, communicative and empathetic space.”

Practical tips for creating a cool house

There are a few easy wins: have a well-stocked snack cupboard, easy access to drinks, and a few comfy areas to chill. Throw in some fun activities and kids will love hanging out at yours. We’ve hosted pizza and movie nights, video game get-togethers and Nerf and laser tag competitions. We’ve cooked and done science experiments and created scavenger hunts and escape rooms. The idea is to have things that make your home the place kids want to be.

In the process, you'll be around. You'll overhear the conversations and see how kids are interacting.

Remember to balance that sense of freedom with some solid house rules. This doesn't make your house uncool, it fosters respect from your kid and their peers. "It's all about teaching kids how to be accountable. It's not just creating a safe space where it's a free-for-all and they can behave any way they want," Brookman says. "Our kids will inevitably do things we don't like, but if you establish natural consequences and expectations from the start, it sets up a respectful environment."

The long-term payoff: Staying close to your teen

My 11-year-old is spending more time alone and with friends, and less time with us. In many ways, I’m okay with that. I’m glad he knows enjoys his own company and has a great social circle as well. But, like Brookman, I want him to come to family dinners once he’s an adult, and I hope he’ll always want to sit and chat and seek out our advice. I’m 44 years old and I call my parents every single day. Because they were pretty cool. And I’m striving for the same designation.