High Needs Baby: From Causes to Coping

Does your baby seem extra fussy, cry more than usual or struggle to fall asleep? If this sounds familiar, you may be parenting a high needs baby.

We know you're probably asking yourself, "Why is my baby so fussy?" and "What can I do about it?" To answer these questions, we've consulted several experts.

They'll share insights on the telltale signs of a high needs baby, possible reasons behind the behaviour, and advice on when to consult your pediatrician for additional support.

What is a high needs baby?

If you're asking yourself, "Why is my baby so fussy all the time?" Dr. Joel 'Gator' Warsh, MD, a board-certified pediatrician, explains that assuming you might have a high needs baby is natural.

However, he points out that babies with high needs act much more upset, and for longer periods, than babies who are just normally fussy.

"These babies usually require more attention, find it hard to soothe themselves and express very strong emotions," he explains. "What sets high needs infants apart from fussy ones is the regularity and strength of their demands."

Characteristics of a high needs baby

It's perfectly normal for newborn babies to be fussy and cry often. However, according to Warsh, parents should pay attention to specific characteristics of a highly sensitive child. These characteristics include:

• Fussiness and difficulty in comforting
• Intense emotional responses
• Demanding, clingy behaviour or separation anxiety
• Irregular sleep patterns
• Sensitivity to stimuli

Causes of high needs behavior

According to Warsh, various reasons can cause a baby to be considered high needs. The most common reasons are:

• Baby's temperament and individuality
• Sensory processing sensitivity
• Developmental stages and growth spurts
• Overstimulation or understimulation
• Medical conditions like colic, reflux or allergies

Strategies for coping with a high needs baby

Establish routines and consistency

Creating a routine for a high needs baby can be challenging. Still, Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says it is essential for their sense of security and your sanity.

"Consistent sleep, feeding and playtimes help create predictability," she says. Adjust the routine as needed, understanding that flexibility is key with high needs infants."

Developing a baby's sleep schedule can also help. According to KC Hespler, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, "A regular sleep schedule can help both parents and the baby get enough sleep and decrease the baby's irritability," she says. "Keeping a routine is helpful to many families when coping with a new baby."

Wearing your baby and providing physical contact

Babywearing, which means carrying your baby in a sling or carrier, can benefit babies with high needs.

Gator explains, "It provides the warmth and closeness your baby craves, similar to the comfort they experienced in the womb." This practice offers several benefits, such as gentle rocking, hearing the caregiver's heartbeat, fostering bonding and freeing up the caregiver's hands for other activities.

Seek support from family members and friends

Having a high needs baby can feel overwhelming at times, but you're not alone in this journey. Dr. Teresa Llorens, MD, a board-certified pediatrician, emphasizes the importance of managing your stress levels, and a big part of this is tapping into your support system.

"Don't be shy about asking family and friends for help – whether you need someone to talk to, a home-cooked meal or a few hours a day to catch up on sleep while they watch your little one," she says. "Remember, it's okay to lean on others during this demanding time."

Self-Care Tips for Parents

Hespeler acknowledges that parenting a high needs baby comes with its own set of difficulties. She stresses that parents should focus on their mental well-being. Here are some self-care strategies she suggests that could really help:

Keep perspective

Even though it feels like an eternity now, your baby's fussy phase is temporary. Hespeler reassures parents, "The first few months can be challenging, but they're just a small blip in your child's life. Before you know it, you'll be through this stage and onto new adventures together."

Take a break

Parents with high needs babies often hesitate to leave their little ones with friends or relatives, worried that the baby might be too fussy or hard to calm down. However, Hespeler emphasizes the importance of taking breaks.

"Taking a break and getting rest is essential for you to be able to take care of the baby to the best of your ability — and those with a colicky baby need more rest than other parents," she says.

Take cues from your baby

Understanding the meanings behind certain behaviours can also help parents feel more at ease. Hespeler explains, "By recognizing these behaviours, you can address your baby's needs before they become overtired or too hungry."

Reset unrealistic expectations

"Let go of the outdated notions of what raising a baby should look like. Every baby is special, and each parent's experience is unique," Hespeler advises.

Remember you are not alone

Caring for a baby, particularly one who is high needs or colicky, can often feel lonely and isolating. However, Hespeler emphasizes that it's crucial to remember you're not alone and that struggling during the 'fourth trimester' is typical and expected.

"Reach out to friends or family members who have recently had a baby and keep building those connections. There are also websites and support groups specifically for parents of high needs babies, and talking to someone who understands can be incredibly comforting," she advises.

Long-Term Outlook and Positive Aspects

Dr. Warsh notes that while some infants maintain their sensitive and intense traits into childhood and beyond, others naturally become less demanding.

"With the right understanding and support from caregivers, many high needs babies often grow into emotionally skilled and adaptable people," he says.

On the other hand, Kushnir warns that if these high needs are not consistently met, it can lead to anxiety, behavioural issues and difficulties in emotional regulation as the child ages.

"Parents must balance meeting their child's needs with maintaining their mental health to prevent potential negative outcomes and relational trauma," she advises.

When to see a Doctor?

Although high needs behaviours can be expected, Kushnir identifies these warning signs as indicators that it's time to consult a doctor:

• If your baby is inconsolable for extended periods
• If there's a sudden change in behaviour or feeding patterns
• If you suspect your baby might be in pain or discomfort
• If you, as a parent, feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with the demands, it's also crucial to seek help.

Additional Resources

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the demands of your high needs baby, there are numerous resources available to support parents.

According to Llorens, some helpful programs include the Fussy Baby Network, which offers support for parents and caregivers, and the Maternal Child Health Program, which provides infant care and parent support services.

The Day Care Action Council also offers infant care programs and parent support groups, while Metta Baby provides infant massage therapy and other programs. Other valuable resources include Early Intervention services, which can connect you with social workers or parent liaisons who offer resources for infant massage therapy, respite care and parent support groups.

Llorens also highlights the Maryville Crisis Nursery, which offers respite care, a crisis hotline staffed by childcare professionals, parent support groups and community resources.

FAQs

Do high needs babies outgrow their fussiness?

It's common for newborn babies to cry a lot and be a bit cranky in their first few months. The good news is, according to LLorens, even babies who seem extra demanding might become less fussy as they grow.

She explains, "Babies develop differently, with some showing improvement within months, while others may continue to display high needs traits beyond their first birthday. Just remember, every baby is unique, so there's no one-size-fits-all schedule for when this change might happen."

What are some signs that my high needs baby might have an underlying medical condition?

Llorens mentions that certain signs might suggest a high needs baby could have an underlying medical issue.

"Your baby might have a medical issue if they struggle to eat, don't put on weight as they should or aren't reaching normal growth milestones," she explains. "To catch any problems early, make sure to take your baby to all their scheduled doctor visits. These usually start within a few days of coming home from the hospital, then happen again at two weeks and one, two, four, six, nine and 12 months. At each visit, the doctor will check how well your baby is growing and developing."

Are there any specific toys or tools that can help soothe a high needs baby?

Llorens says that there are several toys and tools that can help comfort a high needs baby.

"You can try pacifiers, bouncers, or swings," she says. "Other helpful methods include skin-to-skin contact (called kangaroo care), carrying your baby in a carrier and giving them gentle massages. You can also read your baby stories or take them for car rides to help soothe them."

However, it's important to remember that every baby is unique. Llorens adds, 'What helps one baby feel better might not help another.'"

Experts: 

• Dr. Joel Gator Warsh, MD, a board-certified pediatrician and author
• Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist
• Dr. Teresa Llorens, MD, is a pediatrician with Cook County Health
• KC Hespeler, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker