1. Practise some self-care A hot shower and sleep are sometimes all it takes to make you feel a little closer to your pre-baby state. Think of something you could do alone that would make you feel great, and do it.
2. Your partner’s seduction techniques may need some tweaking While romance might have involved a night on the town before, now it might mean the offer of a drawn bath behind a locked door—alone. Be open about what you need.
3. Spend some non-sexy couple time. “Even a date in front of the TV together or spooning in bed will help you feel closer—you have to carve out the time to do that,” says Rae Dolman, a Toronto-based sex therapist. If you’re starting to notice that you’re withholding simple acts of intimacy (like cuddling) because you’re worried your partner will think it’s a come-on, be kind and as honest about it as possible.
4. If sex is feeling like just another chore on your insurmountable to-do list, it’s important to ask yourself this: How good, exactly, is the sex you typically have with your partner? “Think about what kind of sex would motivate you to have sex,” says Robin Milhausen, a sex researcher and professor at the University of Guelph. If it’s far from the actual sex you’re having (or not having), it’s time to have a talk about your needs and what feels good—and what doesn’t—now that your body has changed.
5. Try to remember that your emotions and anxiety about The First Time are probably largely unfounded and will be eased by just doing it. “One good sexual experience can be very reparative,” says Milhausen. But if you’re having trouble connecting to your past sexual self, it’s OK, she says. “You might need some more time and space.”
6. If your baby is sleeping in your room, be honest: Is it affecting your sex life? “Some people can’t imagine having sex in the same room as their baby,” says Vancouver midwife Alix Bacon. Use it as a chance to play around—a couch makeout or a steamy kitchen session could really crank up the heat.
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