When I think of pleasure, I don’t think of a baby coming out of my vag—but that’s just me. Amandine Margin, though, feels differently. She says giving birth to her second child felt like “intense” lovemaking. Yes, you read that right. Her childbirth was like lovemaking. Guys, have we all been having sex wrong?
Amanda, 29, had what’s called an orgasmic birth and it seems like it’s actually a real thing—I googled it. A small number of women apparently make themselves orgasm during birth (it’s called a birthgasm!), while others just enjoy waves of pleasure.
Personally, I feel this can’t be right because birth is literally the most painful experience on the planet and I in no way can associate it with a little bow-chicka-bow-wow time in the bedroom. But according to Amanda, a birthgasm is a specific type of orgasm and it’s not the “best sex of your life” kind—thank goodness, otherwise I don’t think I could ever have sex again.
“It felt like I was having a deep intense sex but without the erotic mindset,” she says. “It is a borderline kind of pleasure. This borderline pleasure we may feel while making love.”
Now, you’re probably wondering why Amanda chose to try for an orgasmic birth.
“It felt logical. We conceive our babies in pleasure, wouldn’t it be normal and natural to bring forth our baby in pleasure?”
Nope. It’s not. There is nothing pleasurable about a baby whose head is the size of a bagel (a BAGEL, people!) coming out of a very small hole and potentially ripping it. That’s not pleasure, that’s pure pain, lady.
Also, I am just going to say it: You shouldn’t have to work this hard for an orgasm (mic drop).
Now, if you choose to attempt an orgasmic birth (because clearly I’ve made it sound so fun), here is what you need to do.
Beforehand, Amanda prepared with lots of meditation, visualization and yoga—it’s kind of like hypnotizing yourself to a pain-free birth. During the birth, she created a romantic ambiance (just what I want when I’m potentially pooping on a table), complete with candles, music and essential oils. Then you’re supposed to get your oxytocin flowing by kissing your partner passionately and trying to move as much as possible. Amanda says she did lots of sexy dances around her room. Personally, during labour and delivery, I prefer to writhe on my bed in pain and tell my husband passionately that we will never have sex again. Again, to each their own.
It could be said that I am just jealous of someone who had a pain-free, enjoyable birth. And frankly, yes! It sounds like a dream. A magical, perfect dream. Amanda seems really lucky. But maybe she should keep her dream to herself so that those of us who leave the orgasms to the bedroom and not the delivery room don’t have to feel so bad.