You can always count on Dax Shepard to keep it real!

The actor was on the Ellen show this week and he revealed the worst part about “owning” kids—yes, he said owning kids, like they’re cars. He and wife, Kristen Bell, are parents to two daughters, Lincoln, 3, and Delta, 2. The girls are adorable and sweet, but they wake up so early! I’m sure you can relate.

Dax, like all parents, goes to great lengths to get his girls to sleep in. He has put tinfoil over their windows (like they’re meth addicts, he jokes) and a towel at the bottom of the door to keep out light and sound.

“They may suffocate, but that’s not the point of the story,” the actor says.

One night, after successfully putting the girls to bed for the night (victory dance!), Dax was trying to sneak out other room, but he hit his nose pretty hard on a bookshelf. And as you can see below,  it hurt like a motherf*cker.

You think slamming the bridge of the nose into daughter’s bookshelf in her pitch black room will slow this #dadbeast down? Think again.

A post shared by Dax Shepard (@daxshepard) on Apr 21, 2016 at 9:54pm PDT

“I let a couple of m-f-er’s fly. The kids had just heard “Wheels on the Bus “and then I was screaming that,” Dax recalls.

Little Lincoln was clearly not asleep because a couple of days later, Kristen heard her struggling to get out of a sweater and letting out a few F-bombs.

“Her arms were all bound up in [the sweater] and she was getting frustrated and she goes ‘Oh, f*ck!”

Dax and Kristen decided to ignore the swearing incident and hope it didn’t happen again…except it did!

“We were at a pool party…she’s in the pool and she goes ‘This pool is f*cking warm.'”

LOL! I don’t know how Dax and Kristen kept a straight face when she said that.

But the couple is trying to see the positive in their toddler learning to swear.

“Side note, we were like ‘She’s nailing the syntax.’ She knows that she’s using it as an adjective, an adverb. We were proud.”

Bravo Lincoln!

Read more:
Traumatized Dax Shepard on Kristen Bell’s C-section: Hilarious!
Kristen Bell smells like urine. Oh, and has to schedule time for sex
We want to be best friends with Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard