Opinion

20 struggles that kids of millennials will never face

Ah, the 90s. How we miss thee!

Parenting is tough—there’s no question about that. And when your kid comes to you all distraught because the iPad died or they’ve already watched everything in the PVR, you’re probably like:

And then all like:

The children of today will never know the pain and strife of their millennial parents, and will probably end up being empty, hollow people as a result (#goals!). Here’s what our entitled special snowflakes are missing out on.

1. They’ll never know the headache-inducing pain of having a head full of teeny butterfly clips.

2. The stress of parenting a pixelated Tamagotchi or Nano child. SO.MUCH.STRESS.

3. The burning sting of embarrassment when they let their team down. You know, because everyone is awesome and no team loses these days. 

4. They will never know the utter devastation and pain from too much cry-face during weekly viewings of My Girl.

5. They will never have to plead with you to buy them a psychedelic unitard so they can channel all the groove that is in their heart. 

6. They will never know the anxiety of owning such a delicate piece of furniture.

inflatable furntiture

7. They have Netflix, Shomi and YouTube Kids. We had to patiently peruse the endless aisles of video rental stores, where the occasional fistfight with our siblings over what we were renting (Goonies forever and ever, amen!) would break out. And don’t even get me started on “Be kind, rewind.”

8. They will never break their eyeballs straining to see the magical picture in these trippy works of art.

Photo: Scholastic

Photo: Scholastic

9. They will never have to put friendship on the back-burner while the TGIF lineup was on. Can’t talk right now, Boy Meets World is on!

10. Oh, there’s an ad before your free Bubble Guppies song on YouTube? I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU, MAN. MY MUSIC SKIPPED OR WAS EATEN BY A RUDE CASSETTE PLAYER.

11. The only reason they know about making the perfect mixtape is because of Guardians of the Galaxy. They will never grasp the heart-racing feeling of trying to hit record when their fave song comes on the radio.

12. They will never be scared sh*itless by this weirdo.

13. They will never have to wait for dial-up.

14. They will never be plagued by that awful feeling of being torn between loving Steve Urkel and his sassy alter-ego Stefan.

15. They will never understand begging their parents for a phone in their room, let alone begging for their own phone line. “MOOMMMMMM!!! I’M ON THE PHONE. HANG UP!!!!!”

16. They will never have a falling out with their BFF over who looks the most like Baby Spice.

18. They will never know the allure of this mushroom-headed cutie.

19. They will never understand that using the interwebs was a sacred and special time.

20. And they certainly will never have to fight the urge to come at you with the dry wit of Daria.

But no matter how much we miss our youth, we look at those little humans we created (even when they’re being entitled) and are like: “Aw, you’re alright.”

Read more:
Jennifer Garner tells kids to “Go the F*ck to Sleep”
What it’s like to be a parent on a field trip (in eight GIFs)
8 parenting lessons from Home Alone

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