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Baby sleep

Baby Only Sleeps When Held: What Can I Do?

We've reached out to experts to uncover the typical causes behind this common challenge and gathered a collection of practical tips to help you and your baby get the rest you both deserve.

Baby Only Sleeps When Held: What Can I Do?

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As a new parent dealing with an infant that won't sleep, it can feel like you're running on empty when your baby only falls asleep while being held. The endless rocking and soothing not only leave you feeling worn out but also concerned about your own sleep quality. Add to that the natural worries about sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and bedtime can become a stressful affair.

But don't worry; there is still light at the end of the tunnel. With some gentle sleep training techniques, you can help your baby learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. We've reached out to experts to uncover the typical causes behind this common challenge and gathered a collection of practical tips to help you and your baby get the rest you both deserve.

Understanding the reasons why baby won't sleep unless held

If your baby won't sleep in the crib and only in your arms, it's important to understand the root causes of this behaviour. Some principal causes are listed below:

Transitioning from the womb

Courtney Zentz, a pediatric sleep expert and founder of Tiny Transitions Sleep Consulting, explains that a major reason babies won't sleep unless held is their adjustment to life outside the womb.

"For 40 weeks, babies are inside the womb, where they are comforted by body warmth, the sound of the heartbeat and gentle swaying," she says. "In the first weeks outside the womb, mother and baby are getting to know each other. The comfort, security, warmth and closeness resemble what they experienced inside, which is why they seek it outside."

Moro reflex

The Moro Reflex also explains why babies often sleep best when held. Zentz explains, "The Moro reflex is a baby's involuntary response to stimulation or startle and lasts up to 16 weeks from birth. It is a primitive reflex that invokes an involuntary protective motor response. The Moro or 'startle' reflex can disrupt a newborn's sleep because when it happens, babies can jerk themselves awake, requiring comfort and support to get back to sleep."

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Mother putting her baby to sleep AleksandarNakic / Getty Images

Created expectation

According to Zentz, babies can develop a preference for napping only when held if they become accustomed to sleeping in someone's arms over time. This habit can disrupt their natural sleep cycles.

"While every baby is born with the ability to sleep, learning how to fall asleep is a skill," she explains. "The methods a child associates with falling asleep—such as being held, rocked, bounced or fed—become their expected sleep routine. As they grow and cycle through deep and light sleep stages, they often wake up enough to anticipate receiving that same sleep support again, leading to the frequent night wakings that many new parents experience."

Reflux, colic and Gas 

Reflux, colic and gas can also cause your baby to want to sleep in your arms, says Suzy Giordano, sleep expert and author of Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old.

Giordano explains, "In the first few weeks of life, your baby's comfort is paramount. If you observe symptoms of reflux, colic, gas or other medical issues, always consult your pediatrician first. Being held often provides comfort for babies experiencing these issues, facilitating easier and more likely sleep overall."

Creating a Conducive Sleep Environment

Establishing healthy sleep habits for your baby may seem challenging, but it is possible.

Perfect your environment

According to Zentz, an ideal sleep environment begins with a well-prepared nursery. She advises using a hard, flat sleep surface like a crib or bassinet. Maintaining a comfortable room temperature, ideally between 69 and 70 degrees Fahrenheit, is also crucial.  A dark room can also help manage sleep-wake cycles while your baby's circadian rhythm is still forming," she says.

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Employ soothing techniques

Giordano advises using comforting techniques like swaddling and white noise machines to help your baby learn to sleep independently.

"Swaddling is an excellent strategy for the first few weeks of your baby's life," she says. "It helps control the Moro reflex and mimics the snug environment of the womb, making your baby feel secure and less overwhelmed by their new ability to move freely. White noise is another helpful tool, as it can help your baby block out common household noises. Sounds from nature, such as ocean waves, rain or thunderstorms, are particularly effective because they have a calming emotional impact on babies."

mother cuddling sleeping baby son on sofa LWA/Dann Tardif/ Getty Images

Create a consistent bedtime routine

"Sleep is a skill, and how a baby learns to fall asleep is how a baby believes they fall asleep," Zentz says. "That being said, the right nap schedule, nap duration, bedtime, and, most importantly, the intake of 24-32 oz a day for the whole first year of life are paramount."

Gradual Transition Techniques

Several gradual transition techniques exist to help your baby sleep without being held.

Fading method

Zentz describes the fading method as a gradual and nurturing approach to helping your baby develop independent sleep skills. This technique strikes a delicate balance between parental support and infant autonomy, allowing for a smooth transition to self-soothing.

"Teaching a baby to sleep well takes time and patience," Zentz explains. "As your little one becomes better at falling asleep, they'll need less help from you. But remember, paying attention to feeding, timing, and routines is crucial. An overtired baby will struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep. I recommend gradually reducing your involvement over a week. By the end of that time, you should be able to put your baby down at the right time, in a sleep-friendly environment, and they'll drift off on their own."

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Don't give up

Giordano emphasizes the importance of persistence when dealing with an infant who won't sleep, regardless of your approach. She encourages parents to stay positive, saying, "Each day is a fresh start, so don't worry if you didn't quite reach your goal today. It's totally normal Just keep at it. I can assure you that your little one will improve their sleeping habits with consistent practice and a steady bedtime routine."

Addressing Common Concerns and Challenges

While it's common to worry about your baby sleeping in your arms, Sarah Bowmar, a certified sleep consultant and certified Baby-Led Sleep & Well-Being Specialist, suggests a different approach. She advises parents to stay calm, saying, "Try not to get anxious about schedule changes. Your stress can affect your children, particularly at bedtime. The key is to return to your regular routine as soon as possible."

When to Seek Professional Help

Although it's not always the case, there are instances when a baby sleeps in your arms that might necessitate a visit to the doctor. According to Bowmar, this behaviour can sometimes signal a medical issue. "If they can only sleep upright," she explains, "it could indicate an airway or sinus problem or conditions like colic or acid reflux."

"If you observe a recurring pattern of these issues, Bowmar recommends consulting a doctor promptly. "It's never too early to bring it up—reach out as soon as you notice consistent problems. Especially with acid reflux, it can affect how babies fall asleep and their nutrient intake. Don't hesitate to consult specialists early on if there are additional underlying concerns."

Experts:

  • Sarah Bowmar, is a certified sleep consultant and certified Baby-Led Sleep™ & Well-Being Specialist
  • Suzy Giordano, is a sleep expert and author of Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old
  • Courtney Zentz, is a pediatric sleep expert and founder of Tiny Transitions Sleep Consulting

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Courtney Leiva has over 11 years of experience producing content for numerous digital mediums, including features, breaking news stories, e-commerce buying guides, trends, and evergreen pieces. Her articles have been featured in HuffPost, Buzzfeed, PEOPLE, and more.

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