6 Things Your Parents Should Help With After Your Baby Arrives

The days and weeks after giving birth can feel like stepping into a storm you didn't quite pack for. Nights blur into days on too little sleep, your body is still healing, and you're suddenly responsible for a brand new baby who needs you for everything.

It's no wonder, says Ingrid R. Camacho, a licensed therapist, that few life experiences rival this one in intensity. “It’s simply one of the most profound transitions life has to offer," she explains. "When sleep is fragmented, routines unpredictable, and parents are learning new skills on the fly, of course, it feels overwhelming."

Which is why reaching out to your parents for help isn't a failure; it's survival. But between cultural expectations, clashing parenting styles and family dynamics, asking for that support can be complicated.

To help make sense of it all, we turned to experts to break down not only how to ask for the help you need, but the kinds of support that actually matter. Plus, learn how to set boundaries that will protect your peace while you navigate it all.

Why it can be hard to ask your own parents for help

Reaching out to your parents for support isn't always easy. That's because so many different forces are at play. One big factor is culture. As Camacho explains, "Parenting was never meant to be done in isolation, but in our current society, where individualism and capitalism are favoured, parenting in isolation is often the default," she explains. "That cultural reality is why asking for help often feels like parents are failing to meet a societal expectation."

But culture is only part of the story. On a personal level, leaning on parents for help can stir up complicated emotions. "Asking parents for help can bring up childhood traumas, unpleasant memories, or old dynamics that might have caused harm," Camacho notes. "Even as adults, some people slip back into feeling like children or teenagers again when parents are around."

Clashing parenting styles add another layer of difficulty. As Camacho points out, it can feel intimidating when parents jump in with unsolicited advice or push back on your choices. "Friends or even other family members might see us as peers of equal standing," she says, "but parents often approach us as if we still need direction or correction."

And finally, sometimes the challenge comes down to pure logistics. Laura Goldstein, LCMFT, a marriage and family therapist, notes that physical distance can complicate matters. "Distance makes it harder to be involved in executive function tasks," she explains. "It also creates somewhat of an all-or-nothing predicament. Especially for folks where the only option for grandparents coming into town is to stay at your house with you and the newborn, then it can feel like you are hosting, and there is less of an option to limit their help or presence only to the specific doses you want it."

Understanding the types of help new parents need

When a new baby arrives, parents face challenges that stretch well beyond midnight feedings. Camacho points out that the biggest areas where families need help are rest, meals, household tasks and mental space. "For the birthing parent in particular, support is critical so they have time to focus on recovery, whether that means sleeping, healing, eating well, or getting lactation support," she says.

Practical support is just as essential as rest, she adds. “These include laundry, meal preparation and errands, to help daily life continue. It’s the relief that keeps the household running when parents simply don’t have the bandwidth."

Emotional support, however, matters just as much. “Emotional support looks like someone who can listen without judgment, offer kind affirmations and encouragement, and practical presence—even if the birthing parent prefers that presence virtually instead of in-person,” Camacho emphasizes.

And then there’s the bigger issue that extends beyond the home: paid parental leave. "For parents to heal, bond, and be set up for success, they need to be confident that they are financially supported," Camacho stresses.

Practical things to ask your parents to help with

Struggling to pin down the kind of help that would actually lighten the load? Parenting coach Emily Greenberg recommends keeping requests concrete, doable and specific. To make it easier, here are some starter ideas.

Household support

"New parents benefit most when support comes in predictable, bite-sized chunks," suggests Greenberg. "Tasks like folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, running the vacuum or even simply holding the baby while parents take a quick shower or nap can make a big difference."

Food help

In the postpartum blur, food really is survival. Greenberg says having a few ready-to-eat meals in the fridge or asking grandparents to handle the grocery run can make all the difference.

“A stocked fridge means fewer decisions for exhausted parents,” she explains. “And when grandparents take care of groceries, it allows new parents to stay inside their baby bubble

Help with daily chores

Everyday tasks can quickly sap energy in the postpartum period. Grandparents can make a real difference here by stepping in with the little things that pile up.

"Every dish washed is one less decision a sleep-deprived parent has to make," Greenberg states. "When the home feels cared for, it allows parents to focus on bonding with the baby rather than managing chaos."

Baby care breaks

When grandparents take a turn holding, rocking or walking with the baby, it can offer real relief. Parents get to enjoy a hot meal or a restful nap. The goal, Greenberg explains, is to give peace of mind, not to offer parenting advice or step in as a replacement.

Special attention for older siblings

According to Greenberg, this is one of the most meaningful ways for grandparents to step in: helping older kids feel included and important. “Planning special outings, like trips to the park, library or ice cream shop, shows siblings they still matter,” she shares.

Transportation and overnight support

School runs, pediatrician appointments and late-night rocking can quickly overwhelm new parents running on little sleep. That is where help with transportation or overnight care becomes especially valuable.

However, Greenberg recommends being clear and intentional about what would be most useful. "It might mean grandparents handling school drop-offs, or taking the baby’s early-morning feed so parents can enjoy an uninterrupted stretch of rest."

How to ask your parents for help effectively

It’s not always easy to ask your parents for help, but it doesn’t have to be awkward. Here are some expert-backed tips to make the conversation smoother.

Set clear expectations up front

Before your baby arrives, Vanessa Bradden, a licensed marriage and family therapist, recommends being clear about the type of support you’ll want.

"Be specific about the tasks you expect needing help with," she suggests. "These might include things like meal prep, grocery shopping, cleaning, or tidying up while you’re busy with the baby. Making a list ahead of time can help you communicate these needs more easily."

Be honest and direct about your needs

Even if it feels a little uncomfortable to ask, Bradden says this isn’t the time to assume your parents will just know what you need.

"When we wait for someone to guess what we’re thinking, we set ourselves up for disappointment," she explains. "It’s better to be upfront so everybody knows what to expect, instead of relying on unspoken hopes."

Pick the right time to talk

The timing of the conversation matters. You don’t always need a heavy, formal sit-down, but Bradden recommends picking a moment that works for everyone,

“It is often best to set up a time that works for everyone and prepare what you want to say ahead of time,” she advises. “For some, this might look like taking them out for dinner. For others, it might be a phone or video call. The key is to choose a time when everyone is calm and less likely to feel rushed or stressed."

Show gratitude for their support

"When we approach someone for support during a major life event like welcoming a new baby, it helps to bring positivity," Bradden shares. "Letting your parents know how much you appreciate their help will go a long way toward strengthening your relationship."

Setting healthy boundaries when receiving help

Setting boundaries with your parents or in-laws doesn’t have to feel like a showdown. These tips make it way less stressful.

Communicate your boundaries clearly

“Grandparents are often over the moon about a new baby, which is wonderful,” says postpartum doula and lactation consultant Laura Howells. “But it helps to let them know what feels comfortable for your family—whether that’s how often they visit or how much hands-on support you’d like.”

Practice the grateful no

Not every offer of help is what you need in the moment, and that’s completely okay. “A polite no goes a long way,” explains Howells. “You can thank them for offering, let them know it’s not what’s helpful today, and suggest another way they could support you instead.”

Lean on the expert card

If you’re worried about hurting feelings, Howells suggests letting professionals take some of the pressure off.

“Sometimes it helps to reference your pediatrician or another trusted expert,” she suggests. “You might say, ‘The doctor really wants us to stick to this sleep routine.’ This way, your decisions are backed up by guidance from outside your family while you still stay confident in your role as the parent.”

Navigating different parent dynamics

Finding harmony between parents and in-laws takes effort, but a little strategy goes a long way. Here’s how.

Set kind but firm boundaries

When navigating different parent dynamics, the key is to set boundaries with empathy and understanding.

“The goal isn’t to get into a tug of war with grandparents, but to build mutual respect for differences,” says Camacho. “Acknowledge their feelings and experiences, while also standing by the parenting approach you’ve chosen for your family.”

Build a united front

Everyone brings their own family dynamics, culture, history and traditions to the table. The key to blending these differences, according to Camacho, is open communication.

“Couples should take time to understand which values they share and where they diverge,” she advises. "Talking honestly about needs, wants, wishes and non-negotiables helps create a foundation both partners can support. When boundaries are discussed in this way, couples are ready to present a united front and consistent message to both sides of the family."

Grow your village beyond family

Camacho acknowledges it’s tough when parents or in-laws aren’t available to help support young children, and it’s natural to feel disappointed.

“Let yourself grieve that loss,” she suggests. “But remember, you can still build a strong support network of your own. Trusted friends, parent groups, postpartum doulas, babysitters, nannies, and daycare can all help create a village that fills those gaps."

The benefits of accepting support from your parents

There’s power in saying yes to your parents’ support once your little one arrives—here's why that matters.

Gives you time to rest

Kaila Hattis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says one of the biggest perks of letting your parents help is simple: it gives you back time.

“In those first few months, most new parents spend more than 30 hours a week on chores that have nothing to do with the baby. Things like laundry or sterilizing bottles pile up, and that extra load just ramps up fatigue,” she explains. “But if grandparents step in with a few heat-and-eat meals and take two recurring tasks off your plate each week, that alone can free up close to six hours.”

Builds lasting bonds

When grandparents pitch in, it isn’t just about the practical help. They’re also creating space to form meaningful connections with their grandchild.

“Grandparents build long-term relationships with a baby through simple, consistent rituals the little one can come to recognize,” Hattis points out. “It might be singing the same lullaby every time they visit or taking a quiet 15-minute walk together. Even families who live 50 miles apart can nurture this bond with something as small as a daily five-minute video call that includes the same song or rhyme. Within a few months, the baby starts to recognize it, and the grandparents gain a reliable, comforting role in their life.”

Boosts parents' confidence in care

"Support drawn from experience and prior knowledge of raising children can build confidence in handling care tasks, feeding concerns, and overall infant care," explains Hattis. "When parents feel confident as part of the care team, it allows them to catch up on much-needed rest, which is especially valuable in the early newborn days. Adequate rest can significantly influence how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally."

The bottom line

Becoming a parent is overwhelming, but leaning on support systems like family, friends, or professional resources can make the transition feel a little lighter.

“It’s important to engage all resources you feel are safe to help support you in coping with the challenges of early parenthood,” says Stephanie White, CCCE, a certified doula and nurse care manager at WIN. “No one can do this alone, not even if two parents are on board. It can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and sometimes resentment toward each other or the child’s behaviour."

At the same time, White stresses that seeking input doesn’t mean you’re obligated to take everyone’s advice. “The world is constantly changing, with new technology and different types of support,” she explains. “Just because your parents did things a certain way doesn’t mean it will work for you or for your child’s personality. Try different approaches to tasks to help keep children on schedule while balancing household chores and responsibilities.”

Experts

• Ingrid R. Camacho, MA, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counsellor.
• Laura Goldstein, LCMFT, is a marriage and family therapist.
• Vanessa Bradden, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist.
• Laura Howells, IBCLC, is a postpartum doula and a board-certified lactation consultant.
• Emily Greenberg is a certified parenting coach and the founder and president of the Joy Parenting Club.
• Stephanie White, CCCE, is a certified doula and nurse care manager at WIN.
• Kaila Hattis, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist.