Building self-confidence

When kids are feeling down on themselves, how can parents help?

Susan Spicer,

Originally published in Today's Parent May 2011

Send
Share

iStock

Your 10-year-old daughter stands in front of the mirror and asks, ‘Am I fat?’ Or your son comes home and says no one will talk to him at school because he let in the winning goal in the soccer game.

There are several reasons self-confidence can waver in the preteen years. “This is a time of transition,” says Vancouver parenting educator and author Kathy Lynn. Kids are moving out of childhood and into adolescence. Budding breasts and changes in body shape can make kids feel self-conscious at a time when the opinion of their peers is beginning to matter more. Their social lives intensify: Boys and girls are paying more attention to one another, but not always in the nicest way. One young male friend of mine recalled being 10 years old, seeing a bunch of girls, wondering how to get their attention, and thinking: “I know, be mean to them!”

Self-actualization

Kids this age are also gaining a more realistic understanding of themselves and the world, including their own limits and abilities. “Little kids believe they can do anything,” says Lynn. “A 10-year-old is capable of looking around at his relatives, all of whom are on the short side, and realize he probably won’t play for the NBA.”
Not only that, according to one body-image study of 11- and 13-year-olds, kids who mature really early or later than most of their peers, or have concerns about body size, are more likely to have lower self-esteem. Helping kids feel positive about the changes happening to their bodies can help them feel more confident.

Kids can be mean

Kids in the throes of this transition can also be hard on one another. “Bullying and teasing quite often intensify around this time,” says Lynn. It can be direct, like having your lunch money stolen; it can be subtle, especially among girls, who tend to exclude one another.

Navigating the challenges of growing up requires healthy self-esteem — seeing yourself as worthy and lovable, and also being able to handle whatever life throws your way, says Lynn.

Subscribe to Today's Parent for just $14.95* That's only $1.25 an issue!