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When parents cheat

Infidelity has become almost commonplace—and when parents do it, much more than their marriage is on the line

Randi Chapnik Myers,

Originally published in Today's Parent February 2012

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Marcie Katz* knew her marriage was shaky, but she had no intention of breaking up the family over it. “We have two kids and I had so much guilt about feeling unhappy in my marriage,” she recalls. “Leaving is not easy.”

In addition to working 40-hour weeks, Katz, a graphic artist in Vancouver, took care of everything at home, from groceries and cooking to birthdays and clothes. Although she nagged her husband, Steven,* to pitch in more, the only duty he took on was handling their finances.

So when Katz discovered a payment to an adultery website on Steven’s Visa bill, she was furious, but not entirely surprised. In fact, she says she gets why parents cheat: “Having kids brings so many pressures, and when the excitement in your relationship is gone, you want it back.” You can talk it out, but that’s hard work. “It’s a lot easier,” she says, “to check out and find something new and exciting on the side.”

Infidelity has been around since the beginning of time — and having kids complicates it, says Calgary psychologist Beth Hedva, the author of the book Betrayal, Trust and Forgiveness. While childless couples can just cut and run after a partner has cheated, children tie parents together for life, despite the rift in their relationship. Some parents find a way to stitch the marriage together; others watch it unravel. Either way, the choices that follow infidelity have far-reaching implications for their kids.

Why is infidelity on the rise? Read on to find out>

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