When are you due?
Alex writes about why a due date isn't a deadline
Credit: hjconti
Our newest blogger, Today’s Parent managing editor Katie Dupuis, is waiting to have her baby. She’s overdue and, not surprisingly, anxious to meet her first child.
Update: Wouldn’t you know it, Katie had her baby last night! A little girl named Sophie. Congrats!
I sooo remember those days. I was lucky in that my son was born a day before his estimated due date, but still, I get it.
But my son’s estimated due date wasn’t always that day. For most of my first trimester, I thought it was about three weeks later than that day.
Around the time I was (I thought) nearly 11 weeks pregnant, I noticed my breasts were less sore. I mentioned this to my doctor and she ordered a blood test to check my hCG levels.
It was a Friday night and I was just finishing up my day at work when my doctor called. The results were in. It looked like this wasn’t a viable pregnancy. My hCG levels were falling at time when they should have been doubling every day.
I hadn’t told many people I was pregnant (and certainly none at work), but I couldn’t hold it in. I cried at the office for the first time ever that day when telling my friend (and co-worker) that I wouldn’t be in on Monday because I was getting an ultrasound. I had been given three options. I could get a D and C, have labour induced or wait until things took their course naturally. I spent that weekend thinking the worst, and also hearing the stories of other women who’d had similar, heartbreaking experiences.
My ultrasound was scheduled for 2 p.m. I went in and really had no idea what to expect. The technician was nice enough. She started things and I asked her to turn the monitor away. Then, she said she heard a heartbeat. I didn’t know what that meant. Was everything alright? What was she supposed to be looking for? She asked me the same thing. I explained the situation and she said the only issue she could see was I was three weeks further along than I thought, so it made sense that my hCG levels were falling. I can’t even begin to describe how I felt. Shock. Happiness. Guilt after hearing the stories of miscarriage and knowing I wasn’t in the same place they had been.
The thought of what might have happened if I hadn’t had the ultrasound makes me sick to my stomach. My perfectly healthy child, my sweet Leo… I just can’t.
I had been missdated and I feel like it happens a lot more often than people think. The most commonly used calculation to determine due dates is an estimate based on the average woman’s cycle. In my case, I told my doctor the date of my last period, but apparently what I thought was a period really wasn’t one.
All of this is something that comes to mind when I hear someone is “overdue.” And it makes me think, as long as everything is going well medically — your placenta is healthy, amniotic fluid levels are good — you really shouldn’t rush things. Your baby will come when it’s time to come. Of course, that is easier said than done. The rising numbers of induction rates speak to that. Some are even questioning the idea that 42 weeks is late (nevermind the 40+ weeks we hear about most often). Of course, inductions lead to other interventions and raise the chance your baby will be born via c-section.
I write all this not as a condemnation of those who are more than ready to have their baby and get things started, but really just to help share the perspective I got that day in the ultrasound room. You will meet your baby soon enough. It's fun and useful to have a general idea of when that time will be, but there’s no need to hurry things along. Because an estimated due date is just that, an estimate based on an average. And you and your child are better than average.
Was your child born on their estimated due date? If not, how far off "the mark" were they?
Photo by hjconti via Flickr
Jennifer Garner is practically super mom
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What do you think?
Mommyof2 (not verified) says ....
My son, also my first was 1 week late from my due date after 16 1/2 hrs of labour but then after my 1st ultrasound they moved my due date up 6 days - so was he really late?? And then when my daughter was born she was 6 days early, but they wanted to change my due date to further away but I was adamant about my dates so the doc never changed it and when she decided to come, she wanted out immediately. It was all I could do to keep her inside for the 19 minutes we were at the hospital before the doc showed up. Thank god she was my 2nd so I had an idea of what was going on. Now I am pregnant with my third and I really have no idea what to expect!
moonstar says ....
Well, with my first she came on her due date, her 4th due date. My 2nd came 15days ealy according to my calculations and 5 days early according to my Dr's. Both I had to have medical interventions but they never lead to a c-section (thankfully).
Alex Mlynek says ....
@LD thanks for your great point. Inductions are absolutely sometimes necessary and don't always lead to C-sections. But inductions often lead to interventions, which increase the risk of a c-section.
LD (not verified) says ....
Good article, but I would like to point out that inductions don't necessarily lead to more interventions/c-sections. I was induced 9 days past my due date, after measuring 4 weeks larger than where I was at throughout my entire pregnancy. My family doctor advocated for the induction, and I'm glad she did, because my baby came out over 9lbs and with a head in the 99th percentile (I am 5'1 and just over 100lbs). Had things been left to nature, I might have ended up with a c-section. I'm glad that I had the option to be induced.
Education Connection says ....
My son was 19 days early and my daughter was 18 days early!
I might have been misdated, as I had irregular periods. But my mom had my brother and I both about 13 days early, so maybe we just have early babies!
KNB. says ....
Alex you are so right. With DS1 I was sent for an u/s since I hadn't had a period in over two months, and we were trying to get pregnant. It ends up I was pregnant at the time, but only 3 or 4 weeks, not the 9-10 weeks they thought. The u/s was "normal" because they couldn't see anything. There was a time where almost every day I thought what might have happened if they had found something and given us some sort of advice...d/c, pills etc. He's now almost 7 yrs old, sitting beside me as I type this and I give thanks every day that he is here, healthy and safe.
Alex Mlynek says ....
aw, thank you for sharing your comments, everyone! @Jennifer I can't imagine what it must have felt like to find out you were missdated so far into your pregnancy. For me, it was great, after the shock of it all wore off, because I was suddenly magically past the first trimester... but I can see how it would have shaken me more if I had been closer to the birth date. Leo was also quite big. He weighed 8 lbs, 7oz when he was born!
Jenn D (not verified) says ....
What a nice post. I was six days late with my daughter, and I only now have fond memories of my husband and I taking long labour-inducing walks to quiet restaurants around the city. Those six days we spent fully enjoying each other's company. And when our little girl finally arrived, she was bigger and healthier from those extra days.
Jennifer Pinarski says ....
I was also missdated for my pregnancy with Isaac! And all of the same things that happened to you - spotting, less sore breasts (and a baby born 1 day before his due date). I found out at the 6 month mark because I was measuring big and was so scared the have a baby sooner than I thought.
Great post Alex - thank you for sharing.
Sheri Hall (not verified) says ....
My first was, technically 1o days early, they went by the 1rst ultrasound, as I didnt know my last period (hadnt had one in months) my second was.... well the date they gave me based on my last period was May 24th, but a week prior to that date at a check up the doctor looked at the date and said ' is this the last day of your last period?' I said yes, and so she asked the first day, and I had my son on May 17th the exact due date- as of the first day of my last period. I am expecting my 3rd, her due date according to my last pregnancy is Dec. 6th. The due date according to my 1rst ultrasound is Dec 28! seeing that I was "early" for both prior pregnancies I am going with Dec 16th! its not science, just mothers intuition- Basically count 9.5 full months since last pregnancy and voila! Its ridiculous that with todays technology it is not more accurate.
JillWheaton (not verified) says ....
So true. I was 2 weeks "late" and was due to be induced on a Sunday, as it happens my water broke that morning and although I was induced for other reasons. When my son was born the next morning at 7.5 lbs happy and healthy not even the delivery doctor was convinced he was late. My original due was almost 2 weeks later, if I hadn't advocated for myself and pushed to wait for the 42 weeks I could have been induced at 38 weeks (approx). The point is, I agree, as long is thing are looking good and both mom and baby are healthy and safe let nature so it's thing.
Haley Overland says ....
Oh, and both of my kids were born a few days early. :)
Haley Overland says ....
Great post, Alex. What a story...! Hugs to sweet Leo!!
TeresaPitman says ....
It takes me a long time to make a baby - all of mine were more than 42 weeks (and I was quite sure of my date of conception because I was doing temperature charts). Yes, it makes for a LONG pregnancy. My mother was the same, and so was my sister, so I think it is a family trait.