The debate: Should you co-sleep?
When it comes to co-sleeping, every parent has an opinion. Here, two parents face off on the much-debated question: To co-sleep, or not to co-sleep?
Illustration: Jessica Rae Gordon
"Yes, I co-sleep"
Alex Mlynek, mother of one
I never intended for this to happen — sometimes I refer to myself as an “accidental attachment parent” — but I sleep in the same bed as my two-year-old and have since he was six weeks old.
You may have heard about the controversial public service ad in Milwaukee, Wisc., last fall that compared co-sleeping to letting your baby sleep with a knife. If the idea wasn’t so wrong-headed, it would be hilarious.
If you follow proper guidelines — including no bed sharing if you’re a smoker, inebriated or heavily overweight, and making sure you’re on a firm mattress (never a waterbed or a couch!) and keeping pillows and heavy blankets away from baby — co-sleeping is totally safe. It also helps with breastfeeding; frequent night-nursing encourages a strong milk supply. It allows parents to get better rest, too.
That’s what the experts say. Now here’s what I know: that relaxing of the body, that contented sigh. This is what I saw when I first let my son sleep beside me. Up until then, he’d been in a bassinet in our room and I got up to breastfeed him, which roused us both. I was beyond exhausted and let him come into our bed one night out of desperation. But it fit. He nursed more easily, I barely had to wake up, and he was pretty insistent about staying there. I swear there was a slightly mischievous, self-satisfied smile on his face the first time he slept beside us. It was one of the first lessons he taught me: “Mom, this is where I’m supposed to be, silly.” And I wouldn’t trade the hours of sleep I’ve saved, the strong sense of security my son has, or the joy of those extra cuddles for anything.
Read on to find why Jason Anderson, father of one, says "No" to co-sleeping>
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What do you think?
Anonymous says ....
Yes, of course *I* should co-sleep... I don't care much what other people do, though...
Anonymous says ....
It was one of the first lessons he taught me: “Mom, this is where I’m supposed to be, silly.”
its as simple as that!
Guest_358817 says ....
We do co-sleep. It happened naturally with us. We breastfeed and nursing laying down eventually turned into snuggling and then sleeping. We both got more sleep and a more restful sleep. We practice safe co-sleeping habits and can't imagine it being any other way.
I'm a supporter of parents choosing what works best for them and their babies. There are safe and dangerous ways to have a baby in a crib, just as there are safe and dangerous ways to have a baby co-sleep.
From what Jason Anderson described, he isn't an option for co-sleeping. His sleeping habits don't fall within the safe parameters. Although, a bedrail beside his wife with babe in between would protect the baby from his flailing around.
One comment that he made that I don't agree with was this: "Luckily, she was also a quick learner when it came to self-soothing, another thing babies who always have a warm adult body at the ready might not become aces at." Where does he get this information from? It certainly doesn't follow our experiences. Making this assumption based on nothing, does nothing to further his case. You don't have to conjure up possible problems with the opposing side to further your opinion.
Stay with what you know, why it works for you and do it safely.
Jennifer Pinarski says ....
Didn't cosleep with our first born, but did with our second. I can't imagine how much more sleep I would have gotten if we had coslept the first time around! Great discussion here!
Guest_354623 says ....
I'm so glad this topic was included in the latest issue. As an RN who teaches prenatal classes, I taught to never co-sleep. Now that I'm a mom, I can't imagine NOT having my baby right next to me. After doing a lot of research and learning that I am an attachment parent, I know it's what's best for us. It's the only way our family would get any sleep. The more deeply attached we become as a family, the more clear that co-sleeping is the right thing to do.
chantalsaville says ....
We never did co-sleep with DD, except when she was ill. I just feel like I need to always start as I mean to finish. A woman scared the crap out of me when I was pregnant, telling me that she co-slept and her kids were still in their bed: at 5 and 7 years old. I didn't want that. So I didn't start. BUT I have to add that I also didn't breastfeed - husband and I shared overnight feedings so it was best to have them occur in another space - so the other person could continue sleeping. I think it's what makes you most comfortable. Whatever works for you and your family is best.
Leah W. (not verified) says ....
I never thought we would co-sleep with our kids, we never did with our daughter. But with our son, after being up multiple times to find his soother or just cuddle we often bring him in bed with us, he falls asleep instantly and stays asleep. You just have to do whatever you can to get some sleep.
kelly (not verified) says ....
I think co sleeping is great if it is right for your family. We have co slept with all four of our children and Well We all slept. Now my three older girls slept in thier own beds and often come in through the night. Our 11 month old sleeps between her crib or with us depending on the night and breasfeeding schedule. Most important you and your partner have to be okay with co sleeping and if you are not one the same page then you need to be. Remember raising children is a privilage and when you have kids you need to give them all you can before they grow up.
Alex Mlynek says ....
@Anonymous, there is no official "cutoff age," but this article on co-sleeping with older kids offers some advice on things to consider. http://www.todaysparent.com/school-age/school-age-development/co-sleepin...
Alex, todaysparent.com
Anonymous says ....
When is the cutoff age?
mamanaturale says ....
We say "yay" to bedsharing. It's been one of the most amazing things about parenting. Our daughter wakes up and sees both her parents and feels safe and happy.
But I think the Tazmanian Devil is wise for knowing himself and his family well enough to know it's not for them.
To each his own on this one, I just hope that people stop being afraid to do it, because it really can be amazing!