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Potty training Q&A

Experts from across the country answer some commonly asked toilet-training questions

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Originally published in Today's Parent May 2009

Q: My son is almost three and refuses to use the toilet — he gets upset if we even suggest he try. Did we wait too long to start toilet training?

A: There’s no magic window when it comes to introducing the idea of toilet training, says Judy Arnall, a Calgary parent educator and author of Discipline Without Distress. “Most children just have their individual timetable, the same way some kids walk or talk sooner than others.” That said, boys tend to start a little later than girls, adds Alicia Szielasko, a psychologist in Halifax. But the worst thing a parent can do is try to push the idea on an unwilling child. “If your son doesn’t want anything to do with the potty, it’s best to just back off and wait,” she says. “When he gives you a sign he’s ready, only then is it time to try again.”

Q: My daughter has completely mastered toilet training at home, but refuses to go when we’re out (we’ve had a few accidents at the mall). She says the bathroom is loud and scary, and she won’t even go inside. What should we do?

A: An aversion to using unfamiliar public restrooms is common for kids, not to mention many adults. “To decrease that anxiety, make home a comfortable place, then maybe move on to Grandma’s, then the neighbours’ — and slowly work up to expanding her comfort zone,” says Anita Greig, a family doctor in Toronto.

The important thing is to help your daughter face her fears, instead of trying to rescue her by avoiding them, adds Alyson Schäfer, a psychotherapist in Toronto and author of Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. She recommends simply being supportive and doing what you can to make the situation less threatening. “If it’s the sound of public bathrooms in general or the loud flush that frightens her, teach her to put her hands over her ears or to hum the Happy Birthday song in her head.”

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